


The Spaces Between Us

by Zoni



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Drama, F/M, M/M, Marriage, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-19
Updated: 2012-08-19
Packaged: 2017-11-12 11:49:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/490583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoni/pseuds/Zoni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The night before Ciel's wedding, Sebastian did something that drove a stake between them. Two months later, Ciel cannot get the man out of his head. Giving in to what he wants may be the right thing to do, but every choice has its consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Everything around me is tense.

The day is ordinary enough. Sitting in my office, I can feel the light summer breeze blowing in and onto my neck from the open window behind my desk. On the lawns, somewhere far below, I can hear the sounds of my wife chattering away like a bird with her friend that has come to visit us for the day. In front of me, a stack of paper awaits my signature and whatever other information I might need to provide. Unfinished correspondence to the Queen rests to my right, still needing my final word before it is sent away. All of these things are normal in every way, and yet I feel incredibly tense.

The reason for all of the tension that I am feeling is standing no more than ten feet away from me. Sebastian. Even as I drag the tip of my pen across paper and feel the soft rasp of the nib against the fibers, I cannot seem to concentrate on anything but him. Every little movement he makes draws my attention like a moth to a flame. I do not like this feeling, this unease that his presence brings me. The sounds of clinking china and the blade of a knife hitting a pie platter should be something that fades into the background. After all, I have heard these things every single day for the past ten years. Yet, I can hear them even more clearly now than the sounds of my own thoughts.

A cup of tea, temptingly fragrant, is sat on the edge of the desk next to me. Smooth, gloved fingers pull back from the edge of the saucer. I pause in my paperwork, hand freezing over the last line of a business contract. Unable to stop myself, I look up at him. Warm brown eyes meet mine for a moment before he looks away. His voice is quiet as he asks me, "Young master, will you be accompanying Lady Phantomhive on her excursion to the country over the weekend?"

"No," I respond, still looking at him. I do not understand why he still calls me his 'young master.' At the age of twenty, he could easily stop calling me by that childish title. In front of others, he simply addresses me as master. The fact that he does not do so when we are alone bothers me, adding to that slight sense of unease that is still in the back of my mind. "There is too much work to do for Funtom Company. She can take Paula with her for company, if she wants."

He watches me as though he is looking for some response beyond words. I have grown too used to those looks as of late. After the briefest moment, he asks, "Would you like a slice of the dacquoise?"

Two months ago, he would not even have had to ask. If there is any weakness that I possess, it is my love of sweets. That weakness is one that he has always exploited, for his own benefit or mine. Yet, lately, I have not indulged in the delicate treats that he creates for me for whatever reasons he sees fit. Where once we had been reasonably close, we now barely acknowledge one another. At my own discretion, the two of us have drifted far apart. Even with this distance between us, however, I am still somehow always very aware of him. Perhaps even more so than I was before.

Today, I can feel my hesitation giving way to the temptations that the sweet cake and strawberries offer me. I war with myself for only a moment before inclining my head in acceptance. In an instant, he has placed a slice of the dessert before me, surrounded by ripe fruit. The layers of cream and filling are smooth, creamy and chilled to perfection. The cake is every bit as delicious as it looked. Yet, I cannot forget the very reason that I hesitated to take it. It is all too easy for me to recall the events that happened not so long ago that inevitably caused this rift between him and me.

~

Three months ago, the atmosphere inside of my mansion had already become wound very tight. It was something that I had anticipated. After all, once my impending marriage to Lizzy had been announced, things had changed dramatically within my household. Aunt Frances had always been particular about the goings on within my home. That attitude became even more prevalent as I prepared to marry her daughter. Over the space of six months, the house became a sparkling example of cleanliness. The entire household staff had also been on their best behavior as the date approached.

While their behavior was exemplary, Sebastian fell into a very foul mood as the wedding drew closer. While flawless in his duties, he became very short with the other servants. Even mild offenses were treated as though they were severe. His mood was so thick that it was nearly tangible. We had all dealt with him being angry before, but this time it was on a completely different level. Even so, he remained patient with me. As such, even when the other servants complained, I did not approach him about it. I knew that the impending marriage was to blame, but I was not certain as to why. Originally, I assumed that he disliked the trouble that the wedding was causing in the day-to-day activities around the house. He never liked it when things began to turn into chaos, and carefully controlled chaos had been the order of the day. Whatever I might have assumed, I soon discovered how very far off the mark I had been.

The night before my wedding, I finally decided to ask him what was bothering him. It had been very late in the evening. Final preparations for the next day had taken much longer than expected. The last of my guests for the day had left after a late dinner and a fair amount of conversation. Aside from that fact, it had been a night like any other. The end to the day had been routine with Sebastian helping me to dress for bed before I retired. As he fastened the last of the buttons on my nightshirt, I asked him, "Does the wedding bother you that much?"

"Just a little," he responded. "Is it that obvious, young master?"

"Only slightly," I said. I felt no need to tell him that he had come close to frightening off the rest of the staff on more than one occasion over the previous week. "Why does it bother you?"

He said nothing in response. Instead, he continued to button the shirt. His fingers moved over the clasps with practiced ease. We had done this thousands of times through the years that he had been at my side. I did not press for an answer as I watched him work. Knowing his expressions as I did, I could tell that he was thinking even though he did not say a word. When he had finished, his fingers toyed with the edge of the collar for just one moment. Then, he slid his hand up to the side of my face. I thought that he meant to straighten my hair as he sometimes did. Instead, holding my face in his hand, he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine, kissing me.

The first and only real reaction that I had was one of complete and total surprise. Shock wound through my body. Without even thinking, my hands had flown up against his chest and I had pushed him away, shouting, "What do you think you are doing?"

~

Since that night, Sebastian has become the perfect servant. Everything that he does is flawless, from cooking and cleaning to the care of the other staff members. Even when he is taking care of me or Elizabeth, his manners and actions are impeccable. There has not been a single mistake or oversight in the past two months. He simply goes about his duties without complaint or comment. I have found it impossible to talk to him the way that I used to. I felt uneasy. The conversations between us became brief and formal, neither of us saying much of anything. We have never discussed what transpired that night in the confines of my bedroom. We never will.

Today, as with every other day, I try to push those thoughts out of my mind as soon as they begin to surface. The more that I try not to think about him, though, the more I seem to do exactly the opposite. I am all too certain that no one else notices Sebastian the way that I do. The demon has a way of capturing my attention at all the worst moments, when I least expect him to. I wonder if anyone else has noticed the way that he stared at me through the entire wedding ceremony. Does Lizzy wonder why I pulled away from her last night? Even I am forced to wonder why I cannot seem to get him out of my mind. In the end, it does not really matter. It is simply one more inconvenience in my life that I must deal with. Perhaps this is natural for someone who has entered into a contract with a demon. I truly do not know.

"Young master?" His voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

"I'm done," I tell him. Pushing my now-empty plate towards the edge of the desk, I watch as he comes over to retrieve it. He leaves the teacup, which I have yet to touch. Easily, he places the dirty plate on the teacart, sliding the rolling cart closer to the desk for ease of access. Turning back to me, he raises his hand and brushes it lightly across my jaw. Automatically, I jerk back from the touch. "Sebastian, wh-"

"I was merely removing some crumbs," he says, a look of vague confusion on his face at my reaction. He clearly thinks that I am overreacting.

"I am not a child any more, Sebastian." It is all too easy to cover my embarrassment with annoyance, pushing aside the surprise that I felt at having him touch me. Looking away, I tell him, "And for the last time, stop calling me 'young master.'"

Without responding, he bows to me. Then, he turns and pushes the teacart out of the room as if nothing else had happened. A loud click sounds as the door slides shut and I let myself sink a little further back into my office chair. The wood of the arms feels strangely cold under my grasp as I wrap my fingers around the rests. Around me, I can once again feel the warm breeze coming in from outside. Somewhere, birds are singing. I feel shaken by that single, casual encounter. I am the Earl Phantomhive, the Queen's guard dog and someone who controls much of the movements of London's darkest corners. No one should ever be able to unnerve me like this. No one ever has except him. Why is it that I never seem to notice anything but him when he is around?

~

The feeling of uneasiness shadows me through the rest of the day. When work concludes and dinner is finished, nighttime comes as an unexpected relief. In the office or elsewhere in the house, other people surround me nearly constantly. I am always the Earl Phantomhive now, even when I am interacting with my friends or employees. Duty has taken on new meaning in recent years. Yet, in my bedroom, I am simply myself. Dressed in a set of pajamas, I allow myself to collapse onto my bed once I have finished removing my jewelry. As soon as I hit the mattress, Lizzy scoots over beside me and presses a kiss to my cheek.

Elizabeth has truly become a remarkable young woman in the time that has passed. She is no longer the obnoxious, offensive little girl who loved nothing more than making things cute. Over time, she has grown to be beautiful and charming, the perfect wife for a member of someone in the upper echelons of society.

While I am polite and sociable at parties, some of the reputation that I have managed to build both in business and politics invariably clouds some of the interactions that I have with London society. More than once, this has caused problems for me, no matter how charming or gracious a host I may be. It is frequently she who makes up for whatever friendly demeanor or approachability I may be lacking.

While perhaps not as sensible as her mother, she is certainly just as headstrong and very intelligent. She is my match in many ways. I am glad to have her at my side. Pulling her closer, I still somehow find myself unable to muster a proper smile as I say, "I haven't seen you since this morning. Did you enjoy your visit with Annette?"

It does not matter whether or not I am actually interested in hearing her response. She is delighted by the simple fact that I have even ventured to ask. A smile breaks out on her face and she blushes as she rushes to tell me everything that has happened throughout the day. Women lead such tedious lives, filled with gossip and their own brand of politics along with whatever other mysterious pursuits they enjoy. As I listen to her cover every detail of her activities, I wonder if she does not sometimes accomplish more than I do.

"I am truly looking forward to visiting Mother, though she does wish that you would come with me. I cannot wait to see the new decor that they-" Lizzy's voice trails off mid-sentence as she looks at me, her eyes narrowing as though she has suddenly noticed something.

"What is it?" I ask curiously, raising an eyebrow.

"Won't you take this off?" she asks. Lifting one hand, she reaches up and brushes her fingertips over the white bandage that I keep across my right eye while I sleep. The eye patch will not stay in place, and I will not let her see that eye uncovered. She smiles at me in what she probably thinks is a reassuring manner. "I promise, it doesn't bother me."

"No," I tell her, offering her a half smile that I hope will end the discussion.

Elizabeth does not know about the seal in my right eye. She most definitely has no knowledge of the contract that I hold with Sebastian, or the fact that he will one day devour my soul. She does not even know that it was he who saved me after my month in captivity. Though she is my wife, there are many things about me and my life that have been carefully hidden from her. She will never know. I wear a bandage over my right eye while I sleep so that, when I wake, she will not see the mark. I do not want to lie to her, but I will if I must. If she never asks the questions then I will never have to give her answers that I do not mean. She knows that part of my life is covered in shadows. I hope that, one day, she will respect this part of that particular darkness.

My eye is only one of many things that she does not know about. The extent of the violence that I sometimes reach in my thirst to please the Queen is one of them. Though Queen Victoria's health is failing, I am still Her loyal guard dog. My service to Her has only expanded in the ten years that have passed since Sebastian and I first entered into our contract. Every part of that contract and the circumstances surrounding it are also hidden from my wife just as much as they are hidden from public view. Even the details of my time in captivity and the marks that it left behind are kept away from her eyes. I wonder why she has never asked for the reasons that I never remove my shirt, not even when we are as close as two people can be. Tedious though it is, I work to keep the brand covered despite the inconvenience it causes.

Lizzy manages to pull my thoughts away from the marks that stain my body, reaching up and pulling me down to her. In her sweet kisses, I can pull myself away from all of the darkness that haunts my past and the life that I keep hidden. She murmurs happily against my lips as I turn to bury one hand in her hair. I want nothing more than to lose myself in her touch, ignoring everything else that has happened throughout the day. The work, the visitors and even the tension with Sebastian can fade into nothing at her touch.

Lizzy wraps both of her slender arms around me, pulling me closer to her even as she deepens the kiss. She rolls back on the bed, pulling me with her. As I roll to cover her body, however, a stray thought enters my mind. For the barest fraction of a second, and in that instant it is not Lizzy that I am picturing underneath of me. In my mind's eye, I see a flash of raven black hair and hear the deeper sound of a whispered voice much different from that of my wife. Jolting backwards at the thought, I pull away from Lizzy and break the kiss.

Her green eyes stare up at me uncomprehendingly, unsure of why I pulled away. Still, she leans in once more to capture my lips. The momentary anxiety that I felt is swept away once more as her arms twine around my waist. That small comfort that I feel in her touch flees as her fingers begin to edge under the fabric of my shirt, slowly sliding up the skin of my back. She already knows I will not allow that. Pulling away from her kiss once more, I reach down and unwrap her arms from around my waist.

"Ciel-" Her voice is quiet but confused as I move away from her. She reaches out for me, not wanting me to leave.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I run one hand through my hair and sigh heavily. Even here, in the confines of my room, I cannot escape him. "I need a drink. I will return in a while."

Slippers slide onto my feet and I tie a dressing gown around my waist before I make my way out of the bedroom and away from my wife. Why do I keep seeing him, even when I am with her? I do not understand and that lack of comprehension is frustrating. This is not the first time that he has wandered unbidden into my thoughts. It always happens at the worst of times, when it is inappropriate beyond question. More nights than I would care to admit, I have pulled myself out of Lizzy's arms, unable to look at her when I find myself thinking of him instead. Invariably, those nights are followed by equally uncomfortable mornings. Sebastian still helps me with my bath, even though I am grown. It is not uncommon for men my age to have their valet attend to their bath, and I am far too accustomed to it to simply tell him to quit. I doubt he knows precisely why I startle at his touch on the mornings afterward, when I am left with my own imaginings of the things that I keep telling myself I do not desire.

All of these thoughts run through my mind, tumbling over themselves as I walk through the hall and down the flight of stairs to the kitchen, finding my way by the moonlight that comes through the windows in the hall. All of the lamps in the house have been dimmed. As I reach the kitchen and push the door open, I can feel all the forces in the universe conspiring against me. The very first thing that I can see upon entering the kitchen is the fact that someone is still working inside. That someone is Sebastian.

Jacket and gloves removed, he is wearing an apron as he slices vegetables. More than likely, he is finishing preparations for tomorrow's lunch or dinner. The instant that I step into the kitchen and see him, I want to turn around and leave. He is the very last thing that I want to see when the entire goal of leaving my room was simply to get him out of my mind. Every nerve in my body is telling me to turn around and walk into the hall. However, doing that would make it obvious that something about him is bothering me. No matter how far apart we have drifted, he would probably inquire as to what that might be. Right now, that is more trouble than I am willing to deal with. Instead, I make my way over to one of the corners in the kitchen where someone has placed a chair. The wood creaks as I sit down, leaning back and focusing on both everything and nothing at once, letting my mind slide out of focus as I try to ignore him.

Though I have fought with my mind the entire day through, it slides easily out of focus in the silence of the night. The only sounds in the room are the ones that he makes while doing whatever it is that he does in the kitchen. Studying the patterns in the woodwork of the cabinet, I manage to distract myself so thoroughly that I almost do not notice him approaching me. Unexpectedly, a cup appears in front of my face.

"You look like you could use this, young master," he says, taking a step back when I notice what he is holding.

I am too surprised to reject this unexpected offering. Reaching out, I take hold of it. As soon as the cup slides out of his hand and into mine, he turns and moves back to the counter to continue his preparations. Tentatively, I lift the drink to my lips. Warm milk, sweetened with honey. Exactly what I have loved since I was ten and what always seems to make the nights a little more bearable when I have trouble sleeping. I did not expect him to fix something like this without my asking him to do so.

Allowing myself a little leeway, I watch him as he works. The vegetables are sliced; he has already put them away. Now, he is working on cleaning up the dishes that were left at the end of the day. The lightest hint of a smile pulls at the edges of his lips as he goes about his work, every movement effortless and perfect. I wonder why he is smiling. No matter how much he may look it, he is not human. Even after having seen him come to enjoy many of the duties he performs around the house, I have always wondered how it is that a creature like him could come to be doing dishes in my kitchen. Not only cleaning them, but also taking some sort of satisfaction from seeing work done well. The world is far stranger than even I would care to admit.

The instant that I am done drinking the milk, he returns to my side to retrieve the glass. The warmth of his ungloved fingers brush my own as he takes it from me. Watching him return to the sink to wash it, I ask, "Do you often come here at night?"

"Sometimes," he replies, sinking his hands into the water. "I find it easier to work - and think - when I am alone."

"Bard and the others can be a distraction," I agree. The atmosphere in the kitchen has become far more comfortable than I had expected. Some of the tension from earlier in the day has faded as the two of us talk even though our words are few. The companionable silence that replaces our conversation is even more unnerving for the fact that I do not mind it.

Without waiting for a response from him, I get to my feet. While I intended to leave, I was not the only one with that idea. Standing beside the island at the center of the kitchen, he is pulling his tailcoat on and sliding gloves back over his hands. As I exit the kitchen, I can hear the soft sounds of his footfalls on the floor behind me. The clicking of his heels on the wooden floors sets a rhythm for both of us as we walk through the empty halls of the mansion.

Up the stairs and through the corridors, the only place I am intending on going is anywhere other than my bedroom. I do not want to return to Lizzy right now. For once, all that I wish to do is walk and lose myself in the silence of the halls. That, and I do not want to leave Sebastian just now. Unease aside, I am all too aware of his presence several feet behind me. He is carrying a small candelabrum, the flickering flames throwing light on the walls for several feet around us. He does not need light to see, so I know that the candles are there only for my benefit. I wonder if he has fallen so far into his charade that he, too, sometimes forgets that he does not need the light.

As we walk, I slow my steps almost imperceptibly. Keeping his own steady pace, he is soon at my side rather than several steps behind me. Every step he takes now falls in pace with my own. Neither he nor I say anything about this change as we both walk through the house in silence. A part of my mind wonders just how far he will follow me, but that thought is cut short as we approach the study. His steps slow and he pauses, turning to look at me. Pausing, I turn to look at him to see why he has stopped. Looking at me, he offers me a surprisingly gentle smile. "I will leave you here, young master. I have other duties to attend. You may take the light, if you wish. I assume that you will be needing it, as I have not seen you carrying one of your own."

Just now, all of the tension that had faded out of me in the kitchen is returning. I am tired of fighting it. I am tired of pushing him away as I have done for the past two months. In the shadows of the hall, I turn to look at him directly, studying the fine features of his face. He looks at me questioningly, one eyebrow raised. I am certain that he expects me to simply take the light and go. There is a part of me that would like nothing less than to do just that. All that I would have to do is reach out, take the candles and walk towards my room. Yet, I do not. Instead, I do something that surprises both of us. Taking a step forward, I reach out and push him backwards towards the wall, one hand on his shoulder.

Raising his eyebrows, he looks at me in surprise. "Young ma-"

The words are cut off as I do something that I have resisted since that fateful night before my wedding. One hand on his tie to pull him closer to me, I press my lips to his and claim his mouth with my own.


	2. Chapter 2

Sebastian tastes like hot cider; his sweetness and bitterness drowned in a sea of spices. His mouth against mine feels warm, bordering on hot as he presses back into the kiss. There is no hesitation, no second thought. I can feel his lips moving against mine with every bit as much of the determination that I am putting into the caress. Never before have I dared to do such a thing. I have never kissed him, or any man, or even thoroughly considered the possibility. If it is awkward or unwieldy, I do not notice. Sliding my hand up from his shoulder to his wrist, I lean closer to him as I taste his lips.

Even though I am the one pushing him back into the wall and holding him there with my hand on his wrist and my body leaning against his own, it is he who has me captivated. As I devour his mouth, he takes over my senses. Sebastian is all that I can smell, taste and feel in the air around me. He is the only thing that occupies my mind. Everything else has been blurred entirely out of my reality. He is like a sweet poison, winding his way through my veins and driving me to temptation. All of the tension and frustration that I have felt through the day is poured into the roughness of the kiss as my tongue drags against his.

By the time I break the kiss, I am panting heavily. The arm that I am not using to hold his wrist is pressed against the wall, framing his face as I lean my weight forward and look him directly in the eye. I have never been this close to Sebastian, so near to him that I can taste his breath. Leaning towards his face, I will my heart to stop its ridiculous pounding as I catch my breath. He is watching me. Some unknown emotion is very clearly visible in his eyes; hunger, perhaps, though not the sort that should probably frighten me. This hunger is far more terrifying. The edge of his tongue runs across the edge of his lips, white fangs visible behind them as parts them slightly.

All of the tension that I felt earlier is gone. It has been replaced by a very different kind of tension altogether. A force that I have never known pulls me towards him, like a magnet. Staring into his dark eyes, I realize that I want him as I have wanted no one before. The only thing that I want to do right now is to lean back in and taste him once more. At the moment, even that might not be enough to satisfy this sudden desire that he has woken in me. I swallow, hard, pushing away all of the thoughts that come flooding to mind as I consider the possibility. Even though the air is cold in my mansion, right now it feels as hot as an oven. A drop of sweat winds its way down the back of my neck. Does Sebastian know that he has this effect on me? Does he know the things that he is making me consider?

"Young master..." Sebastian murmurs. In those simple words, I have my answer. He knows. He knows, and he is very much enjoying the effect he has on me.

Every ounce of willpower I possess is summoned as I lean back and pull myself away from him. My hand on his wrist slides further up, drifting over his gloves until my hand wraps around the cool metal of the candelabrum. His eyes burn into me for a lasting second before I finally pull myself away. Turning, I walk down the hall and leave behind all of the heat that had overcome me the very moment that our lips touched.

The house is empty and silent as I wander the halls. There is no specific destination that I have in mind, only one that I want very much to avoid. Returning to my bedroom, to Lizzy, would be reckless and irresponsible. I do not want to see her when I can still taste Sebastian on my tongue. Without really meaning to, I find myself standing in the library. I do not know if this is where I wanted to come, or if it is simply convenient and isolated. Setting the lamp on a table, I sink into one of the plush living chairs that occupy the room and try to comprehend what I have just done.

"Sebastian." His name leaves my lips as light as air. Even here in the darkness, with half the house between him and me, I can still feel that same draw to him. Never before have I felt any such connection to anyone. I doubt that it has anything to do with our contract. It is just the way he is. Reaching up with one hand, I let the tips of my fingers brush across my lips. Even though moments have passed, I can still feel his touch as though that heated kiss had just ended. I kissed him. More than that, I had wanted to do so. Were he here right now, I would probably do so again if the opportunity presented itself.

Even so, I could hardly call that contact a kiss, for the word does not even merit the feeling behind it. Never before have I felt such heat or desire the way that I did when I felt him moving with me. Even the recollection of him whispering his preferred pet title for me is enough to send a slight shiver down my back. Kissing Lizzy has never felt like that. With her, it has never made me want more in the way that he has done, even if I do not know exactly what more I might want.

There is no feeling of regret as my mind replays every second of the caress. However, I am not happy with myself. There are any number of reasons why. It is improper, immoral and offensive to my well-bred mind and all of the many rules of our strict society with which I have been raised. All of the reasons are flimsy and farcical when compared against my own ideals. I know that I have no moral objection to what I have just done. The problem that I have is one of my own self-restraint. I dislike the fact that he was able to push me past the point of my own control so very thoroughly and in such a short space of time. I dislike it, but I cannot deny the fact that I have been fighting this desire for longer than I would care to consider. I want him. Pandora's box has been opened.

Sitting here for the rest of the night will solve nothing. Slowly, I get to my feet and once more pick up the candlestick. Making my way to one of the guest bedrooms that occupies the second floor, I collapse on top of the bed and allow myself to sleep.

~

"Young master."

The world comes slowly into focus as the sound of Sebastian's voice pulls me out of my dark dreams. The shadowed images of long-forgotten dungeons and rusting cages fades into the bright light of day that streams in through the open windows. A light breeze blows in off the lawn. Everything seems surreal and light as I turn over, trying to escape from the brightness that has started to draw me back to consciousness. This seems terribly familiar to me, like how Sebastian would wake me before I was married. I do not want to wake up yet, not when I have had so very little rest.

A warm hand rests itself lightly on the shoulder of my dressing gown, tugging slightly at the fabric. In an instant, I am awake as I realize that Sebastian is touching my shoulder. Turning over, I sit up so quickly that so quickly that my head spins. "Sebastian, what the-"

"I am very sorry to wake you, young master," he says, stepping away politely. "However, I thought that I should probably rouse you so that you would not be late for your business meeting later in the day."

I will the room to stop spinning as I reach up and press my left hand to the eye that is left uncovered by the white bandages, wiping the remnants of sleep away. Blinking blearily towards the demon, I look up at Sebastian. Memories from the night before come flooding back. All that I want to do is just turn over and bury my face in the blankets once more. Mornings after I have spent a night thinking of Sebastian are always awkward, though I have never had to face one before in which he has been completely aware of the fact that he is on my mind. Looking at him now, the slight hint of a smirk that plays across his lips is the only sign that something less than professional might be occupying his mind. For now, I will choose to ignore both that smirk and my own thoughts. Sighing heavily, I ask, "What time is it?"

"Half past nine o'clock in the morning. Your meeting with Mr. Brown is scheduled for twelve-thirty and there are some papers that you will need to see to beforehand."

"Very well," I tell him. "I am ready for my bath, then."

~

When Lizzy and I were married, we decided that we would use the master bedroom that my parents had occupied before their deaths. Until my marriage, that bedroom had been kept clean and well decorated, but it had never been used. While my wife and I use that room as our own, we each maintain separate bathrooms for our own particular use. She and I have vastly different preferences when it comes to our daily routines. This was the easiest way to accommodate us both, and it is somewhat expected of people of our status. We are wealthy enough to maintain our own apartments within the mansion and sometimes do.

My own is the old bedroom that I used before the wedding. That room is the same one that I have slept in since I was a child. I have changed the decor a little. The yellow wallpaper has been replaced with a more somber dark blue that has trailing patterns of abstract vines weaving through the coloring. The change in decoration was done out of necessity after a rather bad bloodstain wound up on one wall when I was seventeen. The bathroom has since been redone in a similar style, though the coloring in here is much lighter. Many changes have been made when it comes to the house's appointments and furnishings, especially where the plumbing is concerned. Within the past seven years, I have had boilers installed so that we might have hot water rather than having to run buckets of it from the kitchen.

From what I have seen of his activities, Sebastian appreciates the innovation. As we both walk into the bathroom, he starts the water, letting it run just slightly hotter than I prefer. He has perfected the art of timing the bath so that it will be the ideal temperature by the time I actually step into the water. There is more to do before I actually bathe, though, now that I am an adult. Removing my dressing jacket, I ready myself to go through the morning routine.

Moving over to a wooden chair by the wall, I turn the back of it towards the center of the room and take a seat. Sebastian walks over to me and undoes the bandages that cover my right eye. There is no need to cover it when he and I are alone. After all, he is the very reason that the seal exists.

Using one of the silver brushes that we keep in the room, he runs the bristles through my hair. My hair is longer than I kept it when I was a child. The slate strands now hang just past my jaw, even though I usually wear them tied back. My fringe hangs over my face, never long enough to pin back and never short enough to keep tidy. The right side of it is normally used to hide my eye patch from view, though it is not nearly as easy to maintain as it was when I was younger. I enjoy having my hair this length. Sebastian has referred to it as fashionably unfashionable. Lizzy and Aunt Frances both call it offensive. I do not care what their opinions are. I refuse to wear my hair short as my father did. My father did an excellent job as the head of the Phantomhive family, but he and I are not the same man. I intend to let others see that through my appearance as well as through my actions. If my hair were short, I would look almost identical to my predecessor. The only differences that I can find are our eyes. Even though my features have matured with age, my eyes are still unusually large; a fact that I have never managed to escape.

When he finishes with my hair, he sets about shaving the stubble from my jaw. Through all of this, he says nothing. I am slightly surprised by that fact. Sebastian has rarely missed an opportunity to tease me or place me in a position where I might feel slightly uncomfortable. That is even truer if said position somehow happens to involve him. The fact that he has not so much as mentioned what happened last night worries me. Yet, this morning seems no different from any other. It is simply a routine that we have gone through countless times before.

Once he has finished with my shaving, I can feel Sebastian's fingertips on my neck through the fabric of my nightshirt. Nothing is different today from any other as he begins to undo the buttons at my collar so that he will be able to remove the garment. He is always careful, never brushing my skin more than he has to with his own. His gloves have already been removed. They have been carefully stowed away in the inner pocket of his tailcoat that now hangs on the back of the bathroom door. Even though everything is the same, I am too aware of details that I have never noticed before. I can feel the way that his fingertips catch on the fabric and pull the shirt open a little at a time as he moves further down the garment. Every movement is graceful and casual, as though it is being done without thought. However, I can still see the unusually soft smile that he is wearing as he goes about his work. For some time, I have suspected that Sebastian enjoys doing this more than he probably should. Right now, I am absolutely certain of it.

Even though I am quickly becoming aware of the fact that he is enjoying undressing me, I try to act as though I neither notice nor care. After all, for the past two months, Sebastian and I have barely spoken to one another more than is absolutely necessary. I do not know how the actions of last night will change the way that he and I have become. On any other day, I would be forcibly looking away from him and barely tolerating his touch as I wait for him to finish bathing me. Sebastian does not seem to notice that I have not looked away from him today. Try though I might, I cannot account for why I have not. I only know that the feeling of unease and nervousness that I usually experience on mornings after nights filled with thoughts of him is gone. In this moment, I am completely comfortable with having him undress me. Today, it feels almost as if we have returned to the days long before my marriage to Lizzy.

The fact that I no longer feel tense around him has done little to lessen the fact that I am still incredibly conscious of everything he does. Every movement he makes catches my attention, even as he moves very slowly to stand. His face passes mine with barely an inch and a half of space between us. My breath hitches slightly in my chest as he does so. Sebastian does not seem to notice. Standing, he looks down at me intensely. It is all that I can do to meet his unwavering gaze, looking up at him as I try to figure out why he is looking at me like that. When he says nothing, I ask, "What are you staring at?"

"Young master, I need for you to stand up before I can finish undressing you for your bath."

"Oh." I can feel myself start to flush from embarrassment as I stand up so that Sebastian can finish unbuttoning my nightshirt. Removing the garment once it is unbuttoned is no major event. Once it is gone, however, I can feel his fingertips on the skin of my stomach as he reaches down to unfasten the pajama pants that I wore underneath the shirt. That single touch causes my muscles to tense, but he says nothing.

He kneels on the ground to remove my slippers so that the pants will be easier to take off. At the sight of his head just below the level of my waist, I finally give up and turn my gaze away from him. Many thoughts are running through my mind just then, and most of them were not things that I should have been considering as he knelt at my feet and undressed me. Or the sort of things that I should be considering at all, in all honesty. He is my servant, my demon, here to serve me under a contract. It is strange how very little that contract has even entered my mind as of late. Even stranger is the fact that his status under me has no bearing on the things that he causes me to desire.

Seconds later, my clothing is gone and Sebastian has removed himself so that I might climb into the bath. The water is perfect, neither too warm nor too cold. Sitting back in the water, I sink further into the tub and let myself relax. This is something that I know well. I can distract myself from Sebastian by listening to his report of the daily news and events. He is pulling soap and a fresh washcloth from a small basket that is set on a table beside the bath as he begins to tell me of the various happenings around the house. "While Finny has greatly improved with his self-control lately, he has managed to decimate yet another wheelbarrow. I have instructed him to purchase two from the store later when he next travels to buy gardening supplies, so that we might avoid another trip to make a secondary purchase later this week."

"Have him buy three. Perhaps we can delay the next purchase even further."

Sebastian nods. "Very well. I have spoken with the carpenter that will be handling the new cabinetry in the kitchen. He will be able to complete the work in two weeks' time. He will speak to you himself on the Tuesday after next regarding the billing."

"Alright," I say. Considering something, I ask, "Where is Lizzy?"

"Lady Phantomhive has gone into town to shop for new dresses. She took MeyRin, Paula, Finny and Snake with her. I believe that they will return home around four," Sebastian says, motioning for me to move forward slightly so that he can pour water through my hair and lather it with soap.

Silence falls between us as he goes about his duties, rinsing my hair and making certain that it is completely free of the suds. When he finishes, he pulls the washcloth back from where he had been keeping it and dips it into the bath water. Leaning forward, I let him start the slow and steady pace of rubbing the material over my back in circles. After a moment, he says, "Young master, I wonder if I might ask you a question."

"Go ahead."

"Why did you kiss me last night?"

Even before the last of the words leaves his mouth, I sit up straighter in the tub and turn to look at him. I had been wondering when something like that would happen. I should have known that he would ask. The silence had been too good to last. He had waited until the ideal opportunity had presented itself. After all, it is not as though I can escape his questions while I am sitting in my bath.

Sebastian looks at me expectantly, one eyebrow quirked slightly above the other as he waits for my response. The hand that had been moving in circles against my back has stopped as he waits to see exactly what I will do.

"I kissed..." my voice is bolder than I would have expected or wanted as I begin my bold declaration. It dies as quickly as it began in my throat, replaced with a tone of the slightest uncertainty. Sebastian is the only one who has ever heard me speak like this. "I kissed you because I... wanted to. However, I should not have done so. It was a mistake on my part. Is it a problem?"

"Not at all," he replies smoothly. His voice falls silent for the barest fraction of a second, his eyes never leaving my own. That look is enough to send chills down my spine even though the bath water is warm. "However, I wonder if my young master intends to leave it at just that."

A sinking feeling pulls at my stomach as I realize that I had not actually considered what else there might be to do about the situation. While I have admitted to myself that I desire him, and likely have for some time, it is not as though I would have considered something more with Sebastian. At the very thought, I can feel that heat that drew me to him earlier in the day beginning to build once more. Must he lean so close to me while we talk? "What do you mean, Sebastian?"

"I am simply wondering if you might make such a 'mistake' again," he says. A hum like a purr sounds deep in his throat as he finally pulls away, giving me space enough to breathe.

He leaves me staring at him and feeling every bit as uncertain of myself as I had been yesterday. "Sebastian..."

If he notices my quiet utterance, he says nothing. Already he has resumed the soft actions of the washcloth on my back. For now, the conversation has ended. Our morning routine is also coming to a close. Even though I am his master, I suspect that he has far more control over both of us than I would care to ponder.

~

When I was younger, I enjoyed business meetings and the dealings that I had to go through while dealing with merchants and suppliers for Funtom Company. Over the years, the dealings have lost much of their appeal. While once I saw them as their own sort of game, one of loss and profit, they are now little more than dreary processions that I must deal with on an almost daily basis. The meeting today was no exception. The man that I had to speak with was unhappy about the shipments that were being delivered from one of my factories near Townsend. The issue had taken far longer to resolve than I had originally thought that it might. What should have taken an hour wound up taking nearly six.

Standing outside of my mansion, I watch as his carriage drives away. I find myself unsurprised to see my wife's own vehicle pulling steadily down the lane. Lizzy has finally returned home from her day out. Sebastian had said that she would be home around four. Even though two additional hours have passed, I have not worried. I know that she had MeyRin at her side. As always, she had also taken both Snake and Finny to drive and load the carriage. Were it busier at the mansion, I would have asked one of the men to remain behind. As it is, I am glad that they went with her.

The carriage pulls up in front of the house and comes to a quick stop. As soon as it has come to a full halt, Snake hops down from the front of the carriage and holds the door to allow the occupants of the cab to step out. Despite myself, I can feel a smile settle into place as Lizzy steps down onto the drive. She looks happy and radiant, even for her, as she chats animatedly with MeyRin, who follows soon after. The last one out of the carriage is Paula. Originally, Paula worked for the Middleford household. However, she and Lizzy have always been close. When Lizzy and I were married, Paula came to work for our household. The ladies chat among themselves as Snake begins to unload the selection of boxes that Lizzy has manages to accumulate while she was out. When the last of them is out, Lizzy thanks Snake and then comes to see me.

MeyRin and Paula both give me a warm hello before they hurry into the house, leaving me alone with my wife. Her gloved hands slide into my own fingers as I offer her a smile. "Welcome home."

Squeezing her fingers in mine, I turn and lead the way into the house. While she is returning home, she is perfectly on time for dinner. The food is exquisite, as it always is. Lizzy is happily conversing with me and MeyRin, who hovers nearby, recounting some of the day's more amusing events. She does not seem to notice the fact that I am not participating in the conversation as much as I probably should. It is hard to focus on the chatter when Sebastian is quietly watching me from the corner of the room. My eyes flick to him whenever I think he is not watching me. When he looks back, I look away and try to join in with the conversation even though I have invariably lost track of whatever they were discussing. The meaningless small talk fades into the background as the sounds of clinking china and fine silver fill the air. Taking a deep breath, I try to enjoy the meal and talk to the others. There is much on my mind, but this is still nothing more than another evening in my home.

When dinner comes to an end, I stand to walk back to my office. There are still papers left from the week that have gone unfinished. Some part of me also wants to be alone with my thoughts. As I stand, however, Lizzy's voice pulls me back to the dining room. "Ciel."

"What is it?"

"Will you spend a little time with me?" She asks, smiling charmingly at me as she walks up from the other side of the table. "It's only natural for a wife to want to spend time with her husband. I haven't seen much of you lately. I miss you."

Tension runs through me for the barest fraction of a second. Even now, I am having difficulty looking at her when Sebastian is only a few meters away. I push the tension away and replace my hesitation with acceptance. "Of course. What would you like to do?"

"Will you play chess with me?" She asks, stepping closer as she realizes that I am accepting her offer. Her eyes begin to take on some of the childish sparkle that they have lost over the past few years. Did she really think I would choose business over her? If I were busier, I might, but I do enjoy spending time with her.

Nodding, I follow her through the halls and to a parlor where we keep one of our many chessboards. I have amassed something of a collection over the past few years. Even so, I rarely play. As she and I sit down to the board and begin our game in the fading light of evening, I must admit that she has greatly improved. That does not change the fact that the game still ends with my victory. We both retreat to the sofa that occupies the room, she with a book of poetry and I with a volume of Poe. A fire burns warm and bright in the hearth thanks to the efforts of MeyRin, adding the smallest amount of warmth to the slight chill of the evening.

I am not the sort of person who enjoys spending time with others. More often than not, I find the act of socializing to be tedious and boring. That being said, there is something pleasant about sitting here and reading a book in the quiet, comfortable silence of this parlor with Lizzy at my side. She has a certain kind of grace about her as she reads her book of poems, fingers hovering over the edges of the pages as her eyes drift over the words. In the flickering light of the flames, she is beautiful.

I cannot concentrate on my book. Glancing to the side, I lay it on the arm of the sofa. Lizzy notices, turning to offer me a curious smile. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine."

Carefully, she slides her book closed and sets it on the rosewood table that stands next to her end of the sofa. "I was worried when you did not come back to bed last night. What happened?"

A sick, sinking feeling settles into my stomach as the words leave her lips. Some part of me had hoped that she would not ask me that question. I had hoped that I might somehow manage to avoid accounting for why I had not returned to our room last night. The lies that I use to cover my actions come as easily as I was telling the truth. "I decided to finish a few things in the office. I didn't want to wake you, so I slept in one of the guest rooms when I had finished."

I will not, cannot, tell her what I had really done last night. I do not want to know what her reaction would be if she knew exactly what happened last night or what had occupied my thoughts as I drifted off to sleep in the guest room that I woke in this morning. I had not been able to look at her last night. Now, I am having trouble looking at her as I tell her the pretty lies that I know she would prefer to hear. She has convinced herself that I love her. She is happy that way. I do not know whether or not she is right.

Her face is blank as she listens to my excuse, considering my words. For a moment, I wonder if she will believe me at all. Perhaps the deception is too obvious, or maybe she senses that I am not being entirely truthful. Even if that is the case, it does not show as she smiles again, warm and trusting. Even if she knows it is a lie, she will believe it. As the wife of an earl, she has no other option. It is easier this way. If I go through with what I am considering with Sebastian, it will be easier if she swallows the falsehoods that I tell her and never questions. She has grown so much, but in this way, she is still so much like a child.

Scooting over on the couch, she leans against me. I wrap my arm around her, enjoying her sweet presence for a moment just as much as she is enjoying mine. The moment ends too soon as she leans up and places a chaste kiss on my lips. Then, standing, she leans over and runs a hand through my hair, careful to avoid the string that holds my eye patch in place. Smiling, she says, "I am tired. I will go sleep. Take your time if you need it. I know you have been busy lately."

Nodding, I look up at her. "Rest well."

With one last, lingering smile, she turns and walks out of the parlor. For once, I am alone with my own thoughts. As soon as she is gone, my mind turns toward the subject that has been haunting those thoughts since last night. Sebastian. The conversation from my bath this morning is still as fresh in my mind as it was then. There is no other way to look at the situation but that he has not only accepted what happened last night, he desires more. I would be lying if I said that I had not considered following that particular path further than I have already. Still, some part of my mind rebels against it. Perhaps it is my upbringing; perhaps it is the fact that I am married. I cannot say for certain why I resist. I do not even know how long that resistance will be able to hold up.

The situation would be easier for me if I knew precisely why I was drawn to him. I prefer situations that I understand the reasons and logic. This particular instance is beyond my comprehension for the moment. I am well aware that others find him very attractive. There is no denying the fact that Sebastian is handsome. His appearance and the fact that others find him attractive has caused trouble for me more than once, even within my own household. MeyRin's girlish crush on him has not faded with the passing of time, and has occasionally been a source of tension. I have often wondered at the fact that people do not suspect that he is something more than human simply from the fact that his appearance is fundamentally flawless. Not that I would ever tell him that. He is smug enough without hearing me utter such uselessly encouraging remarks. I have never stopped to judge whether or not I find him attractive. As a man, and a married man at that, it has never been something that I have bothered to consider.

Before the falling out that he and I had, we had been very close. I would not call the connection that we had friendship, but it had been intimate in a way that had caused me to acknowledge that Sebastian was more than just my servant or even my slave through our contract. I had never considered that connection in a romantic or sexual sense. Sitting here and watching the flames of the fire in front of me, I wonder now if perhaps I have been misjudging myself on more levels than one.

The lightest sound of a breath tells me that I am not alone. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the shadows of firelight highlight the very edges of a crisp black suit jacket. Sebastian is standing by the couch, only a few feet away from me. I have no idea how long he has been there, but I am quite sure of the fact that I am only aware of his presence because he wishes me to be. He says nothing. Rather than ignore him, I decide to ask a question that has taunted my mind for weeks. "Sebastian, why did you kiss me that night before the wedding?"

"There were many reasons, young master," Sebastian says, his voice surprisingly warm.

I turn my head slightly, looking at him. "What were they?"

Sebastian inclines his head, turning to return my gaze. His rich brown eyes are lit from behind with the lightest hint of red. The light of it highlights the edges of his irises, giving him an otherworldly feel. "Firstly, and foremost, I did so because I greatly desire my young master. Secondly, because I did not - and still do not - like the thought of someone else laying claim to something that is mine. Lastly, I did so because it seemed like an opportune moment to take advantage of, especially since I had begun to think that you might perhaps be inclined to indulge my whims."

His words are unexpected and direct. Quietly, I ask, "You think I am yours?"

"The seal in your right eye says that your very soul is mine, young master," he tells me. "Though, I admit that I have long since desired more than just that."

Very slowly, I pull myself to my feet and turn to face him so that I can look him in the eye. The glow in his gaze does not fade as he looks back at me and waits for my reaction. I cannot read the expression on his face, but it does nothing to lessen the strangeness of the situation, knowing that I am standing in front of the demon to who I sold my soul. "What do you mean by more?"

"That is entirely for my master to decide."

With every fiber in my body, I know that I have a decision to make right now. If I so desire, I can turn and walk out the door to the parlor and away from Sebastian. If I do, he will never mention last night or this moment again. I am certain, in a way that I rarely am, that he would never again touch me in a suggestive manner or look at me the way he is now after tonight. All that I would need to do is turn and walk away, putting an end to this. Instead, I take a step forward so that I am only inches from him. His lips widen into the slightest of smiles. He looks over my shoulder. I turn my head to see if someone is standing in the doorway. Instead, I watch as the door to the parlor slides closed seemingly of its own accord. There is a click as the lock turns, ensuring that no one will enter without permission.

Turning back to face him, I do what I have been thinking about all day. Leaning forward, I kiss him. This is different than it was last night. There is no rush or urgency or anger behind this. This time, I can actually see what he feels like. Taking another step forward, my chest brushes against his. Sebastian is still slightly taller than I am, though now only by a few scant inches rather than by more than a foot. While he may be taller, his body is narrower than my own. The way he presses up against me is something that I am starting to relish even as I taste his lips once more.

Reaching up with my right hand, I tilt his face to find a better angle. His skin is unnaturally smooth. I cannot feel even the slightest hint of stubble. As he moves, his lips part and I take that opportunity to deepen the kiss. His tongue tangles with mine as I press into the caress, pushing him backwards with the force of my touch. My hand on his arm and my body against his guide both of us backwards. Against my lips, he smiles as he follows the motion. Something about forcing him to move, to do as I wish, is empowering to me. His smile is frustrating, though, and it tells me that I am only able to tell him what to do because he is allowing it. I pull away, glaring at him. He knows I am frustrated. Shoving him back against the bookcase, I ignore the sound of several volumes falling from the shelves as I claim his mouth once more with my own

Everywhere that my skin touches his feels like static. His fingers reaching up to untie the patch over my right eye are a tangible heat as they brush against my skin and through my hair. He never once breaks the actions of his lips as he untangles the cord and slides the cloth away. It falls to the floor unnoticed as one of his hands run through the hair at the back of my head, pulling me closer to him even as I press him back against the shelves. Those devilish fingers slide down the back of my neck, drawing an unexpected groan from my lips as he loosens my tie and draws his fingers across my neck. That single touch sends a shiver down my back. Desperate for air, I pull away ever so slightly from him and break the kiss. The sound of my panting breath is unexpectedly loud in the evening air. Against my lips, I can feel Sebastian's mouth moving as he whispers, "Young master..."

My only response is a rough breath against his lips when I feel his hand on my back pressing my body against his. My heart is beating so loudly that I am certain he can hear the sound of it. Heat, like a madness, is burning through my veins. I never knew that it was possible for Sebastian to arouse such a desire in me.

When I do not respond, he pulls his lips away from mine and leans up so that the very edges of them brush against my ear. They tickle at my earring as he asks, "Is this truly what you want, my lord? This, even with all of the many repercussions that it may have?"

As the words leave his lips, the hand that is not on my back trails down from where he had loosened my tie and presses into my body. His fingers drag down the length of my waistcoat, flattening out so that his palm presses against the growing evidence of precisely how much I want this. The feel of his fingers through my trousers draws a quiet groan from my lips. An instant later, he is pushed roughly back as I claim his lips once more. I am hungry for him now, in every way possible. His scent, his very taste is all-consuming. I have no reason to hold back now. A deep, purring sound rumbles from his chest as he responds to my touch with every bit as much enthusiasm as I am giving him. When I pull away from him, panting, he licks his lips. Staring at him with an intensity I have not felt before, I ask, "Are you trying to make me second guess myself, Sebastian?"

"Not at all, young master," he says. "However, it may interest you to know that MeyRin is standing just outside of the door."


	3. Chapter 3

My entire body freezes as Sebastian's words sink into my ears. His fingers are pressing into my clothing, a firm heat against my arousal even through the fabric of my trousers. Every inch of my skin feels as though it is beating along with the pounding of my heart, driven by what he and I have been doing in the quiet of my parlor. According to my butler, my demon, MeyRin is standing just outside the door. My first thought is relief that the door has been locked. As soon as that thought crosses my mind, I realize that I have no idea just how loud Sebastian and I may have been. A cold chill of apprehension snakes its way down my spine. "Has she heard? Does she know what we-?"

The last of the words leaves my mouth at a higher pitch than I would care to contemplate as Sebastian's hand presses stubbornly against the stiffness that it covers, sending an unexpected bolt of pleasure through me. He smiles and leans in to run his tongue across my bottom lip. Whispering, he says, "No, she has not."

Sebastian leans in and pulls me into a long, slow kiss as his tongue dances with mine. MeyRin is momentarily forgotten as he makes my thoughts swim. Then, we both hear the sound of a hand on the doorknob as it turns, clicking when the lock refuses to budge.

With a discontented sigh not unlike the one he uses when he is annoyed with me, Sebastian pulls away from me altogether. A hesitant knock at the door draws my attention away from him as MeyRin raps on the wooden panels. Sebastian ducks away, returning almost instantly to thread his fingers through my hair. His hands are gone before I even have time to register the touch. The eye patch is firmly in place, tied once more as though it had never been removed. Working quickly, he tightens my tie and straightens my clothing before he turns and walks to the door of the parlor. He unlatches it and pulls it open.

I am left standing by the bookcase and trying to catch my breath as I watch Sebastian's form by the open door. MeyRin's voice drifts to me through the doorway, excitedly panicking about the fact that the door was locked. "S-S-Sebastian, I had no idea that you were in there! I am so sorry! I was coming to retrieve a book and the door was just..."

"This parlor door has trouble opening occasionally," Sebastian tells her, his voice completely smooth. Believable. He is not lying. The door does have problems, but locking itself has not been one of them until tonight. "I will have a locksmith look at it in the morning."

"I-I'm actually glad I found you," MeyRin tells him. "T-there's a problem in the kitchen."

"A problem?" Sebastian asks.

I listen to their quiet conversation as I pull myself together and will my heart to stop beating so quickly. I hope that I do not look as flustered as I feel. Once I have composed myself, I walk to the parlor door. At my appearance, MeyRin's nervous request for help falls silent as she looks at me in surprise. She was very clearly not expecting to see me. The surprise on her face turns to a quick smile as she gives me a curtsy. "Good evening, master!"

"Good evening," I tell her. Even if she had heard anything, she would never question my word. She would not dare to voice her suspicions. I do not think that she has any idea of what we were doing, but being locked into any room - even a parlor - with one's butler is definitely an unusual situation. Luckily, my household has been definable by that term for years. Giving her a kind smile that I hope will satisfy any curiosity she might have, I turn to Sebastian. "Sebastian, since it is late, I will be spending the night in my old room. I do not wish to wake Lizzy."  
"As you wish, young master."

Catching Sebastian's eye, I do not miss the look of smoldering promise that he gives me even as he turns back to MeyRin to continue their conversation. Turning, I walk down the hall towards my old room. This is yet another night that I will not return to my wife's side. What am I doing? In the back of my mind, I can hear the small voice that is my conscience telling me that I should walk away. I should go back to my own bedchambers and return to Lizzy's welcoming embrace. All that I would have to do is keep walking down this hallway and not turn into my old bedroom. That is what I should do. That is what I should want. Even as the thought crosses me mind, I know that it would be a lie. There is something that I want very much, and it is not Lizzy.

I am fully aware that the situation with Sebastian is not right. I know what I have just done, I know I want more and I know that it is wrong. Stepping into my old bedroom, it strikes me that I do not really care. The thought of being wrong by wanting him is as strange and foreign as the thought of pushing him away and distancing me from his attention and touch as I have for the past two months. My desire for him is passing the point of being something that I want. Sebastian is something that I need.

Starting with my eye patch, I pull every last scrap of clothing from my upper body and toss it on the floor. My shoes follow soon after. Without the restricting fabric of my shirt and jacket, it seems so much easier to breathe as I collapse onto the plush covers of my old bed. I am not tired, not even in the slightest. Every part of my body still feels like it is on fire. The feeling of his fingertips still lingers everywhere that he has touched me. Lying on the covers, I stare at the dark nothingness of my room and will myself to be calm.

Twenty minutes pass and that fire in my skin does not fade. My face stays pressed against the covers until I feel a familiar, gloved hand on my back. The door has neither opened nor closed, and yet Sebastian is somehow here in the room with me now. There is little light for me to see him by and he has not spoken a word, but I would know the feel of his hand on my back anywhere. I turn over and search for him in the darkness. As soon as I am on my back, Sebastian's mouth covers mine.

Sebastian's lips are surprisingly soft. His hot-cider taste is taking over my senses once again. Pushing back into his kisses, I can feel a dark aggression filling me unlike anything that I have felt before as I fight for dominance over the caress. Sitting up, I push Sebastian backwards and roll over him so that I am straddling his legs. His mouth never leaves mine as he lets himself be pushed back into the pillows. Forcing my tongue between his lips, I demand his compliance. Grabbing his tie, I pull him to a sitting position and shove the tailcoat from his shoulders. His gloves are gone an instant later as I pull them from his thin hands. My hands, still unsteady even at this age, work frantically to undo his tie and the buttons on his shirt. Both garments are discarded in moments. As soon as they are gone, my fingers are on his skin. Roughly, I am touching every inch of him that I can reach.

Even as I touch him, Sebastian's hands are on my body as he explores skin with which he is already familiar. One of his long fingers traces a line down my spine, sending chills through me. I wrench my mouth away from his, eager to taste more of him. Pressing kisses to his jaw, I drag my lips down to his neck. His heart is beating so strongly that I can feel it through his skin, each pulse sending more of his intoxicating scent into my nose. My lips fasten on his neck, sucking at the pale column of his throat. Sebastian lets out an incredibly quiet groan as I drag my teeth down his skin. That sound goes straight to my groin. I have never heard any sound so exquisite and unashamedly carnal.

Under my hands, Sebastian's body is long, lean and solid. His entire form is nothing but sinuous muscle. Each movement he makes against me is fluid. I have never before been able to touch him like this. I have never admitted that I wanted to, not even to myself. Even so, I relish the feel of his nipples under my fingertips and the thin muscles of his chest as I pull my hands down his body. This is what I want, more than anything.

Sebastian's hands are touching me even as I indulge myself in him. I have never felt his hands on me like this before, studying my skin with such devilish intent behind every sweep. Though his fingernails are dull, they are scratching harmless lines down my sides. Those scratches are not deep enough to hurt but they are more than enough to drag a rough cry from my throat. The sharp contrast between this hungry contact and even his most teasing caresses before is far more marked that I would have ever thought.

My hands slide around to run across his back as I pull the two of us together. With my lips on his shoulder, I push both of us back onto the bed. The instant that we are pressed together, I feel his arousal pressing against me through both of our trousers. As we press together, his breath leaves his chest in a sharp exhale. Unable to stop myself, I feel my lips turn up in a smirk as I drag my tongue across his nipple. Sebastian is not human, but I am not the only one that is starting to lose control. Knowing that does nothing but feed the addiction that I am starting to feel for him. I desire him as I have desired nothing throughout my life. I want him now.

Somehow, he has managed to reach down and unfasten my trousers. The warmth of his fingers on my stomach is the only warning I get before I suddenly find myself lying on my back and staring up at him in the darkness. Our situation has been reversed. His thin body is amazingly imposing when he is hovering above me and pressing me into the pillows. I am struggling against him, but his hands shove me back easily even as he slides his fingers under the waist of my clothes. His hand wraps around my erection and stays there, simply letting me feel the hold that he has on me. A full second passes before that hand moves and strokes me in earnest. Those fingers pull a cry from my lips as a heated bolt of electricity winds its way through me at his touch.

With Sebastian's hands on me, he dips his head and pushes his mouth greedily against my throat. The movements of his lips and teeth on my neck make a mockery of my earlier actions. The sharp edges of his fangs and the drag of his tongue touch every nerve in my skin. I did not even know this sort of desire was possible. I never would have thought that I might feel it at his hands that are so attuned to death and destruction. His fingers playing along my length make me feel as though he is stroking every inch of my body with his solid grasp. Even though he is moving more roughly than I would ordinarily enjoy, the forceful touch only serves to drive my arousal higher.

Sebastian smiles against my skin as I try to stifle the sounds that he drags from my throat. He presses a kiss to my chest and pulls his lips across my left nipple. His tongue is rough and raspy like the tongue of a cat. The rasp does not feel unpleasant in the slightest. He runs the coarseness of it over the bud and fastens his lips around it to suckle as he strokes me. The hand that he is not using on my arousal works to free me from the confines of what little is left of my clothing. The sounds of his shoes hitting the floor reach my ears through the heated fog that is starting to cloud my mind.

The warmth of his mouth pulls away from my chest and draws a wet trail down the center of my chest and onto my stomach. Sebastian sits back for a moment, long enough to finish pulling my off my trousers and socks. Then, he leans down and takes my erection into his mouth. Automatically, one of my hands reaches up to tangle itself in the jet-black strands of his hair. The wet temptation of his lips around me drives every coherent thought from my mind as he moves. The hand that had pulled the trousers from my legs comes back up to move in tandem with its twin, stroking me as he drags his tongue around the very tip of my arousal and making me gasp.

My fingers tighten in his hair as he tastes me, pulling his eyes up to meet my own as his lips drift teasingly over my head. In the darkness, I can see the faint glow of his unearthly eyes through the dim light of the room. Sebastian stares at me as he pulls away. His sinful tongue snakes out of his mouth, licking my cock from base to tip as he smiles at me. His gaze burns into me with undisguised lust. The sight of him boldly meeting my gaze as he pleasures me sends an electrifying bolt of delight down my spine. The edge of one fang trails along my sensitive skin as he takes me into his mouth once more.

The grip I have on his hair tightens. Sebastian lets out a gasp as I drag him away from my arousal and pull him back up to kiss me once more. I am all too aware that the only reason I am able to do so is that he allows it. As his face comes up to meet mine, we meet in an almost violent embrace. Our tongues tangle as I take out the annoyance and aggression that I feel on his mouth. Pulling his head away from mine, I pant and watch him lick his lips like a satisfied cat. He is smirking. My voice is shaking more than I would care to admit when I speak. "Who told you that you could do something like that, Sebastian?"

"I simply felt that it was my duty as a faithful servant to take care of my master," Sebastian replies. He sounds immensely pleased with himself.

"You've become very presumptuous lately," I tell him. "Perhaps I should put you in your place."

Anything else that I might have said is lost as I crash my mouth back onto his, stealing his breath. My hands wander across his back. As I slide my hands lower, he arches into the touch. When my hands hit his trousers and drift onto his backside, he lets out a quiet hiss against my mouth as he pushes back into my touch. I cannot stop myself from smiling into the open-mouthed kiss.

My hands slide to the front of his trousers as I trace the edge of the waistband. His belt takes longer than anything logically should to get unfastened. Even when it is undone, it takes me a minute of fiddling before I manage to undo the buttons that hold his slacks closed. Clothing loosened, I push his trousers and the shorts beneath them down his slender hips. My fingertips glide back along the smooth skin of his thighs as I trace the lines of body until I wrap my hand around his arousal.

Pressing my fingers closer together, I pull his length through my hand. The sharp breath against my lips is the only reaction that he gives me. He leans into the touch as I repeat the motion once more, giving him a little more pressure. As I push my hand to the base of his organ, he pulls his hips back and thrusts into the damp circle of my fingers. Pulling back slightly from me, he runs his long tongue over his lips to moisten them. Slowly, he thrusts back into my hand. The expression on his face as he pushes into my hold is one of pure delight. He is enjoying this to the fullest.

The next push of his hips is more forceful than I expected, rubbing his solid length up against my stomach. The hand that I have on his backside tightens, urging him closer. The heat from his arousal presses against my own even through my fingers, drawing a murmur of pleasure from my lips. Hearing that involuntary admission of enjoyment leave my lips, Sebastian smirks. "Young master, if this is your way of putting me in my place, please do so more often."

As soon as the words leave his lips, I pull my hands away from him and change our positions. In the blink of an eye, his face and chest are pressed into the thick covers on top of my bed. I am behind him, pressing up against his body as I force him down onto his hands and knees. My arousal is pressed smoothly against the curve of his backside. His frame is pressed solidly up against my own, touching every single line of my body. Against me, Sebastian's body is as hot as fire.

I really did not intend to take things this far. Never had I suspected that he and I would wind up in such a compromising position in my old quarters. Even so, there is no denying that I want this. I want him. The scent of his hair beneath me, the taste of his skin and the light sounds of his breaths are intoxicating to me. This is what it feels like to truly desire another person. That thought is only heightened by the frightening realization that it is not just a sexual urge that drives me to enjoy being like this with him. I am enjoying this on an emotional level, so much so that I am actually smiling. Sebastian and I are no longer as strangers, as we have been for the past two months. No longer are we simply master and servant, either. He has long been more to me than just that.

The realization that I may actually care about him is both sudden and unwanted. I push the thought out of my mind so quickly that the world spins. Beneath me, the sound of Sebastian's breath draws my thoughts. My lips are at his shoulder, my teeth grazing his flawless skin. He is panting. Honestly panting. There is no exertion in the sound, but even I can hear the edge of excitement that colors every inhalation. His eyes are no longer the familiar, harmless cherry wood brown that I have become accustomed to seeing in our daily activities. They glow red with a carnal heat. He truly wants this every bit as much as I do. I deliver a sharp bite to the nape of his neck, feeling him arch into me. "A butler should never presume to tell his master what to do, Sebastian."

"Yes, my lord," Sebastian purrs. At the sound of those familiar words, there is no doubt in my mind that I know what I am about to do. I will have him. I will take him, because that is what I want.

My hand on his side glides up and over the skin of his back. I brush the hair out of his face, wanting to see him more clearly, before I brush the tips of three of fingers across his lips. Immediately, his tongue snakes out of his mouth to lick at my fingertips. He sucks the digits into his mouth. Even while slicking my fingers, Sebastian is enjoying this more than he probably should. Those tempting lips around my fingers are a teasing reminder of his earlier actions as he presses his tongue in-between them. When I pull the fingers away, he nips at them.

I rub my arousal into his backside once more before pulling away. Moving back, I press one of my saliva-slick fingers into him. Sebastian lets out a quiet groan as I begin to move the digit. When a second is added, his back arches up against me. His hips press into my touch, encouraging me as I work my fingers inside of him. He manages to accomplish what he wanted, pressing himself back so that he rubs up against the hardness of my arousal as I slide a third finger into him. The pressure of his hips pushing back into me makes me gasp. When he repeats the motion, I know that I cannot wait any longer. Pulling my fingers away, I bring my hand to my lips and spit into the palm. Lowering the hand, I spread the wetness on my erection. Leaning forward, I press myself into him.

There is no pretense, no waiting, as I slide into him until I am fully sheathed in his body. The feel of his heat around me is amazing. Even without meaning to, I am groaning against his ear as I settle into him. Without waiting for him to adjust to me, I start moving. The air in the room becomes ten times thicker as I push myself in and out of his passage. What starts as only my motion quickly changes. Sebastian pushes himself back onto me, meeting every smooth stroke with his own movements. His back presses against my chest every time that we move together.

One of my hands presses against the mattress as I push into him more roughly, meeting the demanding pace that he seems to enjoy. My other hand travels down his body, learning the smooth planes of his chest and the feel of the tense muscle beneath them. I can feel his every movement through his warm skin. His body is very human, even if he is not. His form is just as real and warm as my own, but it is still foreign to me. I want to change that. Letting my hand glide down his body, I wrap my fingers around his arousal. I can feel droplets of pre-ejaculate dripping from his tip, lubricating each pull as I stroke him in time to our movements. This new touch pulls nearly silent sounds of enjoyment from him, speeding his movements even as I change my own pace.

Beneath me, Sebastian shivers when I thrust into him roughly and hit a particularly good spot. The only sounds that fill the air are my own desperate gasps and the sounds of his panting. Through the darkness of the room, I can see the edges of his characteristic smirk still gracing his lips even as I take him. I want to see more of his face. Letting go of his arousal momentarily, I reach up and pull the thick, soft strands of his hair out of his eyes so that I can see him. He glances back at me as he feels the fingertips on his face, the smile on his lips widening. With the strands of his hair no longer blocking his face from my view, I return my hand to his member.

Leaning forward, I drag my lips over the shell of his ear. I press kisses to every inch of skin that I can reach, taking in the taste of his sweat. My lips drag across his ear, the side of his face and down his neck to his shoulder. At the feel of my mouth, Sebastian pushes back against me with renewed vigor. The sudden movement causes me to groan heavily as it pushes my mind further into the ecstasy that I feel. Biting his shoulder lightly, I tell him, "Behave yourself."

The only response I get is a heavy purr of satisfaction as he leans back into my chest. We are both nearing our limit. Every movement he makes around me is driving all coherent thought from my mind. I cannot even keep a steady rhythm any longer as I push into him. The arousal I feel pulls into a single point of white heat as I go over the edge, my entire body going rigid as I come inside of him. Sebastian pushes his cock into the tight circle of my hands twice more, crying out lightly as he reaches his own climax. I feel the hot wetness of his seed spattering across my hand and onto the blankets below us.

My head rests on his shoulder for a moment as I collect my breath. Pulling out of him, I collapse onto the blankets. Sebastian lies down next to me with considerably more grace, looking far less exhausted than he should. Then again, I do not even know if it is possible to exhaust him. His eyes are unreadable as he smiles at me through the darkness. Even as I watch, the red heat that had burned in them before fades to a harmless shade of brown. His breathing slows as I watch him. What have we just done? What have I just done? Even as the thought crosses my mind, I know that I do not really care. I cannot make myself regret something that I so desperately wanted, no matter how appropriate my concerns may be. I will have better sense in the morning, I am certain. Until then, I will simply accept what has happened.

Reaching out, I run my fingers along the side of his face. Even though I am completely sated, some part of me still wants to be able to feel him somehow. I would never admit that if he asked, but I do not mind this. He watches the movement with more than a little enjoyment in his gaze, pressing his face into my touch. Despite his enjoyment of our recent activities, there is no reason for him to stay here now or give into what I am doing. No matter what my views are, I find his responses to my touch perplexing.

Sebastian reaches up and covers my hand on the side of his face with his own. I have not noticed just how pale he is until now, seeing my own skin against his. He gives me only a moment to consider that contrast. Very slowly, he leans down to kiss me. Smooth, slow and captivating, this is entirely different from the heated caresses that we shared in my parlor only an hour ago. What is he thinking, touching me like this?

My mind is still foggy and dazed as I pull away from the kiss. Somehow, my arm has found its way around Sebastian's waist. He is still lying next to me as I pull away and turn to stare at the wall. The last thing that I can hear before I drift off into sleep is the sound of his voice, whispering to me in the darkness. "Good night, young master."

~

Suddenly, I am awake. There is no moment of confusion as I open my eyes and stare up at the canopy of my bed. From the light that is filtering through the seams of the closed curtains, I can tell that it is morning. In fact, the hour is probably fairly late. Once again, I have not slept in my own bedroom. Once again, it is because of Sebastian.

Slowly, I push myself up to a sitting position and try to get my bearings. The bed is a mess, even though I did not properly sleep in it. The covers are still in place. At least, as much so as can be said of blankets that are everywhere but where they probably should be. Most of the coverings are halfway on the floor from our exertions last night. The air smells like sex and sweat. I have plenty of both on my skin. This is the first time in years that I have felt the immediate desire for a bath.

Leaning forward, I press my forehead into the palm of my hand and listen to the sounds of people moving around in the hallway outside of my room. What happened yesterday was rash. Rash and very stupid. I probably should feel some sort of regret or remorse for having actually gone through with it. Perhaps some sort of self-loathing or disgust would be appropriate, considering my position in society. What Sebastian and I engaged in was something that is still most assuredly illegal. In addition to that, we committed those lascivious acts under the same roof that my wife was sleeping. I should feel something, but I do not. I have absolutely no regret for what he and I have done. Even if I had, it would matter little. Sebastian owns my very soul through the contract that I hold with him. Something like sex matters little in the face of such a harsh reality. Regrets do not exist for people like me. All that I am left with are memories that are enough to heat my blood even in the chill of the morning.

Waking alone does not bother me. Sebastian is nowhere to be seen. I did not really expect him to stay with me last night, not that I had any desire for him to do so. Even so, I am surprised that he has not come to wake me. That thought is interrupted by a knock at the door to the bedroom.

Instantly, I feel a chill of apprehension. Aside from the fact that I am clearly indecent, anyone coming into the room right now would know what had happened last night just from the sight. They would also know that Elizabeth had nothing to do with it. The apprehension turns to panic as the handle turns and the door slides open without my bidding. Sebastian steps inside and I breathe a very heavy sigh of relief. "Sebastian."

Sebastian's suit is perfectly pressed and his appearance is impeccable as he steps into the room and slides the door shut behind him. Smile in place, he is the perfect butler once more. "Good morning, young master. I am sorry that I did not wake you sooner. I thought that you might need the rest."

"What is going on?" I ask him, not responding to his statements. "It's very noisy in the hall."

"Yes, it is," he agrees. "We will have to get you cleaned up very soon. Or have you already forgotten?"

"Forgotten what?"

He arches an eyebrow. "Lady Phantomhive will be leaving shortly to visit her family."

"Oh." He is right; I had completely forgotten that Lizzy is leaving today. "Damn. What time is it?"

"Time to get you ready, I would wager," he replies smoothly. Already, he is lighting a lamp in the adjoining bathroom and running bath water. "It is ten o'clock in the morning. Did you rest well?"

"Yes," I answer, moving to stand.

Conversation fades as we hurry through the routine of getting me bathed and dressed. Despite our actions last night, everything proceeds in a very ordinary manner. There is no difference in the way he brushes my hair or the way that he washes my back. Even so, he manages to have me bathed and dressed in record time. Less than an hour passes before I am nearly ready to greet the household.

Sebastian's movements are smooth and practiced as he goes about the daily task of getting me ready. I watch his motions in the full-length mirror that stands in my old bedroom. Underneath his careful hands, I can barely feel the pressure of his fingers as he tugs the collar of my shirt higher than I am used to and tightens my tie to hold it in place. Rather than pulling my hair back into a locket, he lets it fall free down to my shoulders. My fringe is brushed to the side to cover my eye patch the way it used to when I was a child. I am curious about the change in the routine. "Sebastian, why are you fastening my collar so high? It makes it difficult to breathe."

The smirk on his lips widens almost imperceptibly as he turns my head slightly in the mirror. Reaching up, he tugs the collar of the shirt lower. The skin of my neck is clearly marked with a series of purple-and-yellow bruises. Love bites. The thin trail of them descends well past the collar of the shirt, vanishing into the fabric. As soon as my mind registers what it is seeing, I let out a loud shout. "Sebastian! If Elizabeth sees these, she'll-"

"There is no need to worry, young master," he says, interrupting. "Lady Phantomhive will be leaving within the hour. I am quite certain that she will have no need to inspect you personally. They will have faded by the time she returns. I am sorry that this causes you worry. I will try to restrain myself in the future."

"Sebastian..." I am torn between annoyance and surprise at his interruption. I am still not certain how I should react to seeing how very thoroughly marked my skin is. Last night, I was so caught up in everything that we were doing that I had completely forgotten the attentions he had paid to my neck.

Sebastian leans closer, still smiling despite his apology. "Please forgive my lack of restraint, young master. I have been holding back for ten years, after all."

Whatever response I might have had to that statement is lost as a knock at the door signals a new arrival. Sebastian straightens my clothing and walks to the door, blocking the view of the still-mussed room from whomever might be standing outside.

I barely catch the thread of a hushed conversation between Sebastian and Bard. Ignoring it completely, I study my reflection in the mirror. My fingers trail up to the tall collar of the shirt that covers my bruised flesh. I cannot feel the marks, but I am still acutely aware of their presence. An unwanted flicker of emotion passes through me at the thought of Sebastian leaving some marking of his own on me other than the seal that covers my right eye, but my reaction does not matter. Sebastian returns to my side once more, straightening out the last of my clothing and finishing my preparations for the day. As soon as he has straightened my jacket, I step away. Giving Sebastian a parting look, I turn and walk into the hallway to find my wife.

~

Elizabeth is easy enough to find. She is standing in the middle of the foyer and looking resplendent in the new travel clothes that she is wearing. I wonder if she picked them up yesterday on her trip into town. She looks every inch the regal countess as she tells the servants what to do. She orders Finny to move boxes to the carriage and quietly compliments MeyRin on her cleaning. As soon as Lizzy sees me, she hurries over to see me.

Lizzy slides her arms around my waist and leans up to kiss me. I can feel her happiness in her touch. For a moment, I am incredibly tense. There is a momentary worry that she might be able to smell Sebastian on my skin or taste him on my lips, even now. She cannot see the marks on my neck. That would be the very end of me. She notices nothing, settling back on her heels and looking up at me with concern. "I was so worried about you last night, Ciel. You never came to bed. Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine," I tell her, reaching up to brush a stray strand of hair out of her eyes. "I am sorry about last night. I was caught up in paperwork again. Did you rest well?"

"Yes, I did... I do hope that work lets up soon, though. You look exhausted."

An indelicate cough hastily covers a quiet laugh from the corner that Sebastian is now standing in. Pretending that I did not hear it, I lean down and give Lizzy a chaste kiss. "I'll be fine, I promise. How long will you be gone?"

"Two weeks, maybe three. Are you sure you won't come with me? Mother would dearly like to see you... I'm sure she wouldn't even complain about your hair." Her smile is hopeful as she looks at me. She wants me to relent.

Slowly, I shake my head. "I'm sorry, Lizzy. I still need to take care of business for the company."

Leaning down, I kiss her once more. As a dutiful husband, I see her out to the carriage and help her climb inside. Once both she and Paula are safely seated, I give her my best wishes and ask her to pass those wishes on to her parents. As soon as the carriage and driver pull away, I turn to look at the house. Sebastian stands in front of the broad double doors to my mansion, smiling impeccably. The next two weeks will be very interesting, indeed.


	4. Chapter 4

The first thing I feel upon waking is the warmth of another body pressed up against my back. Lips, surprisingly soft, brush against the side of my neck as I slowly open my eyes. Rolling over onto my back, my gaze is met by a pair of warm, brown eyes as I try to make out my companion in the darkness of my old quarters.

"Good morning, young master," Sebastian whispers, hovering over me. His naked chest lingers so close to mine that I can feel the heat from his body. This new method of waking me up is an improvement from having the curtains thrown open, which he has done for years. I do not mind this, especially when he reaches up to run his hand down the side of my face and sends shivers down my spine. No, to be entirely truthful, I enjoy this.

Even so, this situation is monumentally irritating if only for the fact that, while I look thoroughly mussed as I begin each day, he never has so much as a single hair out of place. I would never tell him that. He would enjoy it more than he should. Even now, he obviously appreciates the dissatisfied look I am giving him. I can tell that much even with as little detail as I can make out in the dark room.

Not remarking on his smile, I put on my best expression of irritation and pull my eyes away from him. "Sebastian, it is too early to wake me. Let me sleep."

"It is early," he agrees. "However, it is not really much earlier than when I usually wake you for the day. The only difference is that I have not yet opened the curtains over the window."

A quick glance in the direction of the window confirms what he has just told me. At the seams of the heavy velvet, I can see hints of early morning light that is kept at bay by the fabric. Dawn, only a little while before I normally wake. The room itself is too dim to allow me to read the clock that is hanging on the wall, but I am certain that the discrepancy from my usual schedule is only a matter of minutes. Even so, early is still early. I open my mouth to voice a complaint. "There is still no reason to wake me up before the normal time, S-"

My words are cut off as he lowers himself down to rest against my chest, his lips on my own. He has become quite good at stopping my complaints like this. I let him, reaching up to wrap my arm around his waist. My other hand rests on his arm, holding him in place as my thumb rubs across his skin.

With a murmur of enjoyment, he pulls away from the kiss. "I believe that I am becoming rather fond of mornings like this."

"I'd believe you if this wasn't only the second time you've stayed with me," I tell him.

The annoyance in my voice is false, and he knows it. Stretching like a cat, he relaxes against me. The smirk he wears so frequently is firmly in place as he watches my face. "That is true. I should have begun staying through the night much sooner."

With one hand, he reaches up and runs his long fingers through the strands of my hair. There is nothing urgent or businesslike about the caress. He is not trying to straighten my hair or get me ready for the day. This is something that he is doing simply because he wants to do so. These small signs of affection are not something with which I am accustomed. Even so, I have seen more of this sort of thing with each passing day.

Quietly, I ask him, "Do you actually enjoy that?"

"Enjoy what, young master?"

"Staying with me at night."

"Yes, I do," he tells me. I can hear the smile in his voice. "Very much so."

The look in his eyes tells me that this is not one of his games. He is being completely honest. The meaning behind the words is still something that I am not comfortable thinking about, but his gaze is enough to cause me to flush.

"I... do, as well," I admit, though the words sound strained. I am unused to expressing myself in such a manner, but he does not seem to mind.

Pressing my hand to his back, I urge him back down. He does not disappoint, pressing us into a gentle kiss. I do not know why, but I savor times like this. These moments are few, and always saved for times like this when we can be absolutely certain that none of the other household staff will be able to guess at the true nature of our interactions.

In only a week and a half, it feels as if everything has changed. Everything about this situation is comfortable to me now, holding none of the hesitancy that I felt before Elizabeth left to visit her family. Even the uncomfortable warmth, the emotional attachment that I know I harbor for Sebastian, does not tug at the edges of my mind as it once did. At times, I have even ventured so far as to wonder at the nature of that inclination, for I do not fully understand it. At other times, I am certain that I do not want to know exactly how much I care for him.

Whenever he and I are alone, those thoughts occupy my mind as nothing else can. I have never told him what I am thinking, and I have never asked his own thoughts and views on the matter. He is as mysterious to me as he has always been, though I am starting to realize that he is far more open with me than he is with anyone else. His demeanor in private remains alert, amused and even occasionally affectionate.

Sometimes, I am not certain whether I feel like his bed partner or his pet cat. The only thing I know is that I no longer feel superior to him. At least, not in the way that I used to. As dangerous of a notion as it is, he and I have become equals in some small, nearly intangible way.

We pull away from one another at the same moment, and I know that this unexpectedly welcome wake-up has nearly ended. Sebastian brushes his lips lightly against mine one last time before he pulls away altogether. "We should get you dressed. You have a busy day ahead of you."

"I know." Slowly, I move to sit up, pushing aside the heavy comforter that had been covering both of us. "What is on today's schedule?"

Sebastian sits up on the other side of the bed, looking remarkably human as he pushes the covers off his legs. "At ten o'clock, you have a meeting with Monsieur Renaud, regarding the use of French chocolates within the Funtom Company product lines. At noon, we are expecting a visit from Lord Randall to go over some details of a previous case. After that, your afternoon is free, with the exception of the paperwork that you did not finish yesterday."

He stands, dresses and then begins to tend to me. If he notices the small hint of satisfaction on my face, he says nothing. This routine, as different as it is from my life before he and I began this affair, has not changed much of anything. All that it has done is rearrange the way in which things occur, and made me view Sebastian in an increasingly strange new light.

~

Paperwork and tedium are the order of the day. My afternoons have become an exercise in monotony. Today, as with nearly every day, I am spending the latter part of the day examining papers and reports. With the expansion of my company, my duties towards it have also expanded. At the moment, a factory in Vienna is in a panic. A large amount of manufacturing materials has gone missing in a short amount of time. I suspect theft from one of the managers at the plant, but the people with whom I have spoken seem convinced that the problem lies elsewhere. Discussions like this grate my nerves. More likely than not, I will wind up paying them a visit in person before the situation is resolved.

Picking up a pen, I begin to write a response to the letter that I have received. Before the nib even touches the paper, I am interrupted by a knock at my study door. I look up just as Sebastian glides into the room, pushing a rolling silver tray in front of him. A variety of sandwiches, salad and several bowls that look like dressings and possibly a soup adorn the neatly decorated surface.

"Considering the amount of work ahead of you, I thought that you might appreciate lunch in your office today," Sebastian says, assembling a variety of offerings on my desk. He no longer bothers to ask if I want the food or not. We both know that I would be lying if I turned it away. The meal is beyond appetizing, even for such simple fare. The salad looks delicate and crisp, the sandwiches nearly a work of art.

Once he has finished placing the various dishes on the desk, he explains, "Roasted mandarin duck sandwiches, watercress salad and a light Italian soup."

Alongside the sandwiches, a glass of white wine seems to have materialized from nowhere. I am absolutely certain that it was not on the tray when Sebastian wheeled it in, and there is no decanter on the tray, either. Shooting him a sharp look, I let him know without words that I do not appreciate the gesture.

He does not enjoy doing things the way that humans do. The effort of actually finding a glass and a bottle of wine, tempering the beverage and actually serving it must seem frustrating to him. That, or he simply felt like seeing whether or not he could get away with not bothering. In my general experience, however, if I let him create a glass of wine from thin air, he will try something even more ridiculous that even the other servants might find questionable. In response to my glare, Sebastian smiles serenely as though he has no idea what I could possibly be upset over.

Ignoring his attitude, I reach out and pick up one of the sandwiches. The bread and meat are so delicate that they nearly melt in my mouth. Of all the disagreements that he and I have had through the years, the quality of his cooking is not something that we have needed to discuss any time in recent memory.

As I eat, Sebastian speaks. "Young master, I have a question regarding the household. I was wondering if you might take the time to answer them momentarily."

Finishing one of the sandwiches, I nod. "Go ahead."

"Lady Phantomhive may return in a few days' time," he tells me. "I wondered if there might be anything around the house that you wished me to see to before her return."

I turn to look at him, raising an eyebrow. Ordinarily, this is something that he would have decided on his own. I cannot remember the last time that I have been asked to make such a decision. Picking up another sandwich, I turn my eyes to examine the food. "Have Finny take extra care with the rose gardens. Lizzy likes spending time there during the mornings. I am certain that she will want to pay them a visit when she returns. Also, change the curtains in the sitting room she likes on the second floor, near the library."

"Very well."

"Sebastian?"

"Yes, young master?"

Placing the sandwich on the plate, I look at him once more. "I have a question of my own."

He regards me curiously. "What is it?"

"Are you really okay with Elizabeth?"

The curiosity on his face vanishes, replaced by a carefully neutral expression that I have only seen him use with strangers whose motives he does not know. "It is not my place to voice an opinion one way or the other, young master."

"I don't care about that. I wanted to know if y-"

My sentence is interrupted by the sound of a demure, but urgent, knock on the door. Sebastian and I both turn to look in the direction of the sound. Annoyed at the interruption, my response comes out more harshly than I intend. "Enter."

Slowly, the door opens and MeyRin's head and shoulders make an appearance. She gives a light curtsy and then stutters her way through an explanation. "G-g-good afternoon, sir! There's a phone call for Mr. Sebastian! They say it's urgent!"

"Thank you," Sebastian says, nodding in her direction. Turning to me, he places a hand over his heart and offers a short bow. "I will return for the dishes momentarily. In the meantime, please enjoy the meal."

Sebastian turns, walking out of the room with my eyes on him.

Minutes pass, nearly a quarter of an hour, before he returns. As he walks silently into the room, I can tell that something is not quite right. His demeanor is the same, his expression neutral, and yet I can still tell.

Without waiting for him to stop in front of the desk, I ask, "What is wrong?"

"Lady Phantomhive will be arriving shortly by carriage," Sebastian responds. "It would seem that she has fallen ill, and wished to return home."

Whatever I was expecting, that was not it. A look of surprise registers on my face before I can brush it away. "She's coming home? Why is she traveling if she is ill? She should have stayed with her family until she is well, if that's the case."

The neutral expression on Sebastian's face fades into one that is entirely unreadable. He does not seem to enjoy discussing this particular subject. "I am uncertain."

Letting out a sigh, I look at the empty plates that are now stacked at the corner of the desk. As if on cue, he walks forward and begins to return them to the tea tray with which he brought them. Looking at him, I ask, "How long until she arrives?"

"From what I was told," he tells me, "we can expect Lady Phantomhive to arrive in an hour or so."

"Call for a physician at once," I tell him. Calling a doctor to the house on such short notice is unusual, but I have no doubt that Sebastian can find one who would be willing to accommodate the request. We do not typically employ the services of a physician in the way that many other well-to-do families might. For the most part, this is due to the nature of my work for the Queen. My injuries, which are still frequent, would be suspicious.

Sebastian nods. "Understood."

With that, he turns and pushes the silver tray into the hallway. The door to the study closes behind him with a quiet click. I am left alone with my thoughts, and the news that my wife will be returning very unexpectedly in an hour. It is very unlike Elizabeth to do something without letting me know several days in advance, especially when it comes to something like this. She is rarely ill. Most people would simply be asked to stay with whomever they were visiting, rather than being forced to cut a trip short.

The fact that she is coming home so quickly is problematic for several reasons, not the least of which just walked out of my office. For now, I will tell myself that nothing has changed. I may even be able to bring myself to believe it. At the moment, I have more important things to take care of. I will need to get this work with the factories finished so that I can dedicate all of my energies to Elizabeth when she returns home.

~

The scenery in the hall outside of the master bedroom is boring. I have memorized the patterns in the wallpaper and wood over the past half hour, biding my time as I wait outside of my chambers to hear the physician's verdict about Lizzy.

The moment that the doctor arrived, he escorted her into the room and shooed me out. Even though I am an earl, and her husband, there are protocols and etiquette to be followed. If I had so desired, I could have insisted on my presence. For her sake, I did not, nor do I really think that I really even wanted to. In truth, I am more comfortable waiting here in the hallway. Or so I thought, when I decided to do so. The more time that passes, the uneasier I become.

If there has ever been a time when I doubted that I care for Lizzy, it no longer applies. I am worried about her. When she first stepped out of the carriage, I had thought that perhaps the news of her illness had been exaggerated. However, behind her rosy smile, her skin was pale and her eyes listless.

Once in the house, I had to help her climb the stairs and escort her to our bed. In the hour between her arrival and the entrance of the physician, she became ill twice and passed out for a short while. This is not the Lizzy that I know, and I do not like the feeling of uncertainty that revolves around her healthy. I am unused to being around people who are ill. I am equally unused to caring about people, let alone considering the possibility of taking care of them.

Any other thoughts that I might have had are interrupted as the door to the bedroom opens and the doctor steps into the hall. The door slides shut behind him and he looks at me with a kindly smile. He waits for me to straighten up and smooth my coat. Then, he nods. "Lord Phantomhive."

"How is she doing?" I ask.

When his smile widens, I wonder if I sound more concerned than I would care for. He scratches his long, white beard thoughtfully. "Lady Phantomhive is a resilient young woman, and I am certain that she will be fine."

"Do you know what the matter with her is?"

"I suspect that she is simply exhausted and under a great deal of stress, exacerbating a general malaise, but am not entirely certain," he responds. "However, there is no great need for concern."

"Stress?" This is confusing to me. "My wife leads a life of luxury. She rarely does anything more trying than embroidery."

The expression on his face is not patronizing, but more like a father might give his unknowing child. "Women are delicate creatures, Lord Phantomhive. You must never take them for granted.

"I have prescribed a mild sedative to help her rest. In addition to this, make certain that she is given every comfort. Rest as often as permitted. She is to have no stress, no visitors and no undue worries for at least a week. I'm certain that she'll be on her feet in no time."

Nodding, I accept the instructions without question. "Very well, thank you for your time, and for coming on such short notice. My butler will see to your payment."

"Good day, Lord Phantomhive," he tells me. With a polite nod of his head, he walks towards where Sebastian has appeared, several feet away.

Paying them no mind, I walk into the bedchambers and let the door close behind me. Lizzy is lying on the bed, her blonde hair fanned out around her face like a halo. Her eyes light up as I walk towards her. Reaching out, she catches my hand as I approach the side of the bed. Leaning down, I press a gentle kiss to her forehead, taking in the happy sigh that it brings.

Gently, I sit down on the bed next to her. My thumb runs across the back of her hand. Her skin is cold. How are you feeling?"

"Better, now that you are here," she tells me. She is smiling even though she seems weak. Her eternally sunny personality is something that has not quite vanished as she has matured. Even now, she is happy when she should not be.

"Fool of a woman," I murmur. "You should have stayed with your mother. Aunt Frances would have been happy to keep you. It isn't good for your health to travel like this, you know."

Pulling our intertwined hands to her face, she presses them to her skin. "I wanted to be here. I really love visiting with Mother, and it is always a delight to see Edward, but it just isn't the same. There's something about this place, our home... I missed you terribly, Ciel."

With her speaking so earnestly to me, it is impossible to be upset with her for the short notice that she gave. Her health and well-being are of the highest priority to me right now. Reaching out, I run a hand through her hair. "You're home now, Lizzy."

She murmurs wordlessly, closing her eyes and enjoying the attention. Occasions like this, where she and I simply sit together and enjoy the company of one another, are rare. Perhaps too much so. I feel the rare glimmer of desire to spend more time with her outside of the small moments we share while eating meals.

For several long moments, we simply take in the peace. She is quiet and content. Much to my surprise, I find that I am not uneasy with this. Perhaps I missed her, as well.

A quiet knock at the door tells me that we are no longer alone. Looking up, I say, "Enter."

Sebastian steps inside and closes the door. He stands a polite distance away from both of us, not too far from the door. "Dr. Wellington advised that her ladyship consume a small meal as soon as possible in order to bolster her strength. Would you like for me to prepare that now?"

Turning from Sebastian to Lizzy, I watch her face as I ask, "Are you hungry?"

"Yes," she responds quietly, giving me a tired nod.

"Go ahead, then," I say, turning back towards Sebastian.

"As you wish."

Sebastian gives me a long, burning look before turning. He opens the door to the room and vanishes into the hallway outside. Whatever that look was trying to tell me, I do not need to hear the words to know the meaning: the situation in my household has become much more difficult.


	5. Chapter 5

Silence fills the air in the dining room as we finish off the last remnants of breakfast. By all accounts, it is a beautiful morning. Sunlight streams through the broad windows of our parlor. The household staff is content and has not caused any trouble. Even Lizzy seems to be feeling the cheer that the day brings.

No amount of cheer or good weather, however, can change the fact that the tension in the air is so thick that I could cut it with a knife. The atmosphere has been like this since the day that Lizzy returned from visiting her family. Though nothing else has changed in the household, my life has become colored with uneasiness.

Over the past week, I have tried to smooth it away. To some extent, I have succeeded. Conversation this morning is pleasant and light as we sip at the delicate teas and full-bodied coffees that Sebastian has prepared. The food has been the very embodiment of perfection, but the good food does not seem to help matters. If anything, it makes them worse.

"Would you like more tea, Lady Elizabeth?" Sebastian asks, stepping up to the table from his position by the wall.

"Must you always address me so formally, Sebastian?" Elizabeth turns, smiling politely. Indicating her cup, however, she nods. "I will take more tea, please."

"Indeed, I must," Sebastian replies pleasantly. He returns her smile graciously. "Anything less would be improper."

With that comment, he complies with her request and refills her cup. With a quiet bow to the both of us, he gathers some of the empty plates and returns to the kitchen. As soon as he is gone, Lizzy's eyes dart back to me and meet my gaze.

Very quietly, she says, "Ciel, there is something that I must talk to you about. Something has been bothering me lately."

"I can tell," I reply. "What is it? You know that there is nothing to worry about."

Even as I give her my reassurances, I know that the words are pointless. Even a blind man could see that the very person that is bothering her has just walked out of the room. No matter how perfect Sebastian's service might be or how wonderful his preparations, he has started to make her uneasy. That is why she will only talk to me when he is not present. That has progressed to the point where she will rarely even touch me if he is in the same room. She does not know that the entire situation makes me nervous as well. The reasons for my discomfort, however, are far different than hers.

"Have I done something to offend Sebastian?" She asks me.

Meeting her eyes, I offer a reassuring smile. The smile is false, but if it puts her at ease then I do not mind. "No, not that I am aware of. Why would you think that?"

My feigned ignorance is a terrible joke. However, it seems to calm her mind to know that she can talk to me about what is bothering her. After all, I am her husband. Conversation like this is something that is to be expected. I only wish that the subject of the conversation was something other than my butler.

"I am not certain," she replies. "He just seems to b-"

The words die on her tongue as Sebastian emerges from the kitchen once more. Without a word, he gathers a few more plates and then turns back to the utility doors with a knowing smile. The door slides shut behind him as he vanishes into the next room. Elizabeth's eyes remain fixed on the door for at least half a minute, as though she is uncertain that he is truly gone.

"Lizzy?"

"I'm sorry," she says, turning back to me with a ghost of her previous smile. "He just seems to be very aloof as of late. I am concerned about him. If there is something that I have done to offend him, I do wish he would say something."

"Has Sebastian been impolite to you?" I ask her. "Has there been an issue with his service?"

"No, nothing like that." She glances away, as if uncertain how to answer. "I know the two of you are close. I am glad that you have been able to rely on him for so long. He is an excellent butler. You know that his work is flawless. I was just hoping that you might know what was bothering him. I am worried about him."

Shifting in my seat, I finish the last of my jasmine tea. Setting the cup down on its saucer, I bolster myself to make the very last suggestion I want to give. "Perhaps you should discuss your concerns with him. I am certain that he would be gratified to know that you are concerned about his wellbeing."

I have absolutely no concern over what Sebastian might tell Elizabeth if she tried to talk to him. Regardless, the thought of the two of them conversing about a subject so close to my infidelity is troublesome. I do not even enjoy watching them converse about the most mundane subjects. This seems like the sort of thing that might tempt fate.

Sebastian is cautious and intelligent. I know that he would not do anything to endanger the secrecy of the bond between us. However, I am also well aware that he enjoys entertainment of a very twisted sort. I can only imagine what delight he might take in dropping hints that are too high-handed for Elizabeth to understand.

While very intelligent, my wife can also be quite dense. This fact is well-known to all of my staff and it has caused problems once or twice. Luckily, most of the staff is quite fond of her. While Sebastian says that he harbors no negativity towards her, I have begun to wonder.

As I have perused my thoughts for the past few moments, Lizzy seems to have done the same. Taking a delicate sip of her coffee, she nods. It would appear that she has made a decision.

"Thank you, Ciel. I will talk to him when I can, then." She pauses. "Do you think it would be terribly inappropriate of me to have Paula in the room as well?"

"Paula? Whatever for?"

She looks at me, flushing slightly. "I am embarrassed to admit it. I feel uncomfortable around him. She would put me at ease."

That response is unexpected. Raising an eyebrow, I ask, "Has he always made you feel uncomfortable?"

"No, not at all," she tells me quickly. "I have always trusted Sebastian complete. Why would I have any reason to doubt him?"

"Then why do you say that he makes you uncomfortable?"

Folding her hands in her lap, she glances away once more. "It is the way that he looks at you, honestly."

In my chest, a sinking feeling begins to take hold. Surely, she has not noticed Sebastian's affection for me. Though he has become much less guarded about it in recent days, he would never be so reckless as to let her know.

"How do you mean?"

"He looks at you like you're something to eat."

~

When breakfast concludes only a few minutes later, I make my excuses and head for the office. This room has become my private sanctuary. In here, I can avoid the servants, or Lizzy, or anyone else that might interfere with my life in general. Today, I feel like I need the solitude to recover from the past week of endless stress.

While I call it tension, that word is too mild for what I am feeling. In my work for the Queen, I have been placed in many difficult and stressful positions. I have lost count of the number of times that my life has been in peril, regardless of my staff's capabilities or Sebastian's protection. Somehow, the thought of a vicious assailant pressing the barrel of a gun to my temple is less intimidating than the thought of my wife discovering my affair. The feeling is made worse because the indiscretion is being carried out under the roof of my - no, our - mansion.

The vague guilt that I feel over this situation is new to me. I am nothing if not confident in my own choices. That confidence does nothing to change the sense that I have done something that I should not have. At the same time, I know that I can never properly regret what I have done. Perhaps that discomfort stems more from the fact that I am hiding such an intimate secret from Elizabeth and the majority of my household staff.

A part of me wonders if Elizabeth is aware, in some way, of what is going on. Not consciously, perhaps. There is no doubt in my mind that she has no idea of the exact nature of my personal interactions with Sebastian. If she did, I am certain that she would be quite vocal in her reaction. However, she is already uneasy around him.

I cannot fault him for this situation. His service and treatment of her have been flawless, no different from any other time. Still, my wife has noticed that something is amiss in her small world. Eventually, something will have to be done to rectify this situation. She is no fool.

While there is nothing that I can do to soothe Elizabeth's vague concerns, I will talk to Sebastian about the subject. He may be able to devise some solution to put her mind at ease. He would not appreciate the thought of her discovering us any more than I would.

Stepping into my office, I close the door behind me. Finding a chance to speak with him alone will not be a difficult task. While I use the office to avoid others, Sebastian is generally welcome. I doubt that it will be an hour before he comes in to see me, with either something to drink or a piece of mail to explain why he is there. His many talents extend to finding perfectly plausible excuses for spending a few moments alone with me throughout the day.

Taking my seat at the desk, I push those thoughts out of my mind and settle into the daily task of paperwork. I have functioned as the Funtom Company president, a position previously occupied by Tanaka, since my nineteenth birthday. If I so chose, however, most of these menial tasks could easily be relegated to someone else.

Originally, my duties were comprised of major decisions regarding various manufacturing branches and prototypes for new products, much as it did when I was a child. Now, things have become much more involved. As I age, and as Queen Victoria grows older, assignments from her have become fewer in number. The business of Funtom Company now occupies the majority of my time. I am certain those tides will change, but I cannot say that the paperwork is too tedious for my tastes.

No more than half an hour passes before I hear the familiar, quiet knock at my office door. Without waiting for a response, the door swings open and the silver teacart is pushed into the room, followed by my butler. Sebastian smiles at me as he closes the door and guides the tray to stand by my desk. This morning, there are no sweets atop it. Instead, he has selected one of my most ornate sets of china in order to serve a beverage.

"Would you like a cup of tea, young master?" Sebastian asks. "I did not prepare a snack due to the fact that you have just eaten."

He is already starting to pour the tea before I nod. I do so anyway, looking up from the inventory of one of my London factories. "Sebastian, there is something we need to discuss."

Sebastian's lips twitch at the words. "What might that be?"

"Elizabeth tells me that she feels uneasy around you. She is apparently concerned that something may be wrong, as you have been distant towards her lately," I tell him, not remarking on the less than innocent tone of his voice. "I wanted to ask if you think that she might be catching on to what we have been doing."

"Please give my thanks to Lady Phantomhive for her kind concern," replies, standing next to my chair. "However, I do not believe she knows, no. Do you wish for her to find out?"

Turning so hard in my chair that I jar the desk, I glare at him. "Obviously not, no. However, she is bothered. That, in turn, is making me uneasy."

"Fortnum and Mason Darjeeling, second flush," Sebastian tells me as he sets a cup of tea in front of me. He takes a step back from the desk. "Young master, women frequently do not need to see or be told of things in order to know that something is amiss. They are very perceptive creatures. You underestimate the power of a woman's intuition."

"Something like that doesn't exist," I respond, huffing.

"Perhaps," he muses. "What would you like to do about the situation at hand?"

Taking a sip of tea, I consider my options. The brew is perfect, flavorful and fragrant. Just what I needed.

"This entire situation is bothersome, Sebastian. I do not know that there is anything to be done about it."

Turning to face me, he maintains his polite distance several steps away. "Do you wish to end it?"

"End it?"

"Our affair," he explains simply.

The words are unexpected. Truthfully, I have not even considered that possibility. My own feelings on the subject do not matter. There are certain realities that would affect the decision, should I even think on it.

Elizabeth is my wife. In that sense, she is my partner for life in the eyes of the church and the government. However, Sebastian is a far more permanent installation in my life, and death, than she will ever be. Nothing that I might say or do could change that reality.

His presence at my side is something that was decided long before my relationship with Elizabeth even mattered. He and I have our contract, one that will inevitably be the end of me. That fact does not trouble me. However, Elizabeth has no intentions of killing me. At least, as long as she does not find out about Sebastian and I.

Taking a moment to formulate a response, I choose to answer shortly. "No, I do not want to end it."

"In that case, I wonder if I might ask a favor of you, young master."

Slowly, I turn to look at him. "What might that be?"

He smiles, reaching out to touch my face. He has done that many times recently. It would seem that he enjoys the contact, though I do not appreciate being treated like a pet cat. "I was hoping that you might allow me to spend some time with you this afternoon, once my other duties have been completed."

I would dearly like nothing more than to agree to his request. That response comes so quickly that it takes even me by surprise. Embarrassed and humiliated by my own lack of emotional restraint, I pull away from his touch and turn back to my papers.

"Unfortunately, that will not be possible. I am quite busy with work and Elizabeth is in enough of a state without adding more fuel to the fire."

When he does not respond, I look over at him. He is still smiling. Flatly, I say, "It is out of the question."

"You have already completed a great deal of work, even in such a short amount of time," he points out. Reaching up once more, his gloved hand pulls my gaze back to him. "You also need not concern yourself with Lady Elizabeth. She has received an invitation to tea with one of her friends. I have noticed that it has been several days since she last left the house. Some fresh air might be fortifying for her health."

The conveniently timed invitation to tea comes as no surprise. Since Lizzy's brief illness, there have been many such coincidences. Whether Finny suddenly needs help with reading a book and seeks her help, or MeyRin needs advice about something best left to women, my wife has found herself occupied with the most menial of things at the precise moment that Sebastian has time to spare. Perhaps I should give him more tasks to occupy his time rather than let him entertain himself in such a manner.

I will admit that I would greatly enjoy spending time with Sebastian. What we do would not even matter. I simply enjoy his presence. Little by little, I am becoming more at ease with that fact. However, I have not fallen so far as to let that show. If I give into him now, I will lose every ounce of respect that I have for myself. I am not some childish school girl swooning over her first love. I am, first and foremost, Ciel Phantomhive.

Suddenly, I realize that I am pressing my face into his touch. The smile on his face is even wider than it was before. Straightening up instantly, I pull away and shakily pick up my pen. "Not today, Sebastian."

"As you wish."

Gracefully, he pulls away and goes about cleaning up the tea service. My cup is left untouched on the desk, a promise that he will return for it after a while. In the space of only a moment, he is rolling the tea cart out of my office. The door slides shut behind him and I can finally let out the breath that I have been holding for only God knows how long.

Sebastian is getting much bolder with his advances. While he may be content with what little time we might spend together during the course of a normal day, he has begun to go out of his way to create new opportunities for such. He never interferes with my schedule or time that I have agreed to spend with Elizabeth. However, as he has gone this far, I have to wonder what the next step will be in his plan.

Even though he does not interfere with my schedule, he somehow still manages to affect my work. Looking down at the paper I am working on, I let out a curse. Even though the form is routine, I've somehow managed to write the same word five times in a single sentence. My mind is too preoccupied with thoughts of other things. Thanks to him, I am apparently too distracted for even the most basic paperwork.

There is nothing to be done for it. After this many years, I know that it is useless to fight him, especially when he isn't even in the room. Pushing the papers to the side of the desk, I get to my feet and head out of the room. It's easy enough to tell where he will be, considering that less than half an hour has passed since he left with the tea service. In addition to that, it is also time for him to start assisting with lunch. Navigating the halls, I make my way to the kitchen.

Even from some distance, I can hear the raucous noise that tells me that the kitchen is alive and well with midday preparations. For the past couple of years, Finny has been helping Bard with some of the more labor-intensive tasks in the kitchen. His self-restraint has greatly improved. Though still clumsy, he no longer shatters everything that he touches. On top of this, he has also managed to talk the cook into not smoking while in the house. Finny does, however, make it much louder when he is indoors. I gave up on asking them to keep the volume down months ago.

Putting my hand on the door, I step inside. The moment that I do so, the entire room falls silent. Three people are now staring at me in various states of surprise. Bard and Finny appear to be working on a salad of sorts. As predicted, Sebastian is also there. He appears to be finishing up a dessert of some sort. As the master of the house, I rarely visit any part of the mansion so clearly intended for the servants. My presence comes as a slight shock for at least two of the people present.

"Master!" Finny says, recovering quickly. He beams at me. "Want a snack? Lunch isn't ready yet..."

"No, thank you," I tell him.

Bard looks at me skeptically. "Anything we can do for you, then?"

Not bothering to reply, I turn to the person I was looking for. "Sebastian, I need to speak with you."

Both Bard and Finny turn to look at him curiously. Sebastian feigns a look of confusion, not bothering to respond to their glances.

"This is most unexpected. If you needed something, master, you could have simply rung for me. The call bell system does extend to th-"

"Now."

"As you wish." He removes his apron and cleans up briefly. Once his hands are washed, he turns to Bard. "When you finish the Niçoise salad, please begin preparations for the soup. I have laid out instructions for you beside the bread box."

Reaching up, Bard scratched his head. "Why would you lay out instructions if you're going to be in the r-?"

Sebastian smiles. "Please do as I have instructed."

Without waiting for a further response, Sebastian turns and walks over to face me. The two of us walk out of the kitchen and into the hall outside. I make certain to put some distance between the two of us and the kitchen door before turning to look at him. While I trust my staff, one can never be too cautious. Glancing around, I make certain that none of the other servants are in the hall with us.  
Sebastian looks at me expectantly. "You wished to see me, young master?"

"I... have reconsidered."

"Oh?"

His tone is amused. If he keeps staring at me like that, I'm going to wind up blushing. The situation is humiliating enough without something like that.

"I will spend some time with you this afternoon, once Elizabeth has departed."

"I am glad to hear it," he replies quietly. "Is there anything you would like to do?"

"It doesn't matter." I look back at him when he does not respond. "What?"

He looks far too happy for my comfort. "I am simply gratified that you would want to spend some of your time with me, young master."

Originally, I had planned to tell him off for what is clearly a well-orchestrated attempt to get under my skin and agree to something. As it turns off, it is impossible for me to be angry with him when he's looking at me like that. Glancing around the hall to make certain we are unobserved, I step forward and force him back against the wall much like the very first night that this started. Leaning up, I kiss him deeply.

When we break apart, he smirks. It should be indecent to look so content over something like that. Still hovering close, I have to ask. "You knew that this would happen, didn't you?"

"Perhaps," he agrees.

"I'll be in my office until lunch." Unable to hide a small smile, I pull away completely. "Damn you."

Leaning forward, he reaches out and smooths the front of my suit. "Oh, it is far too late for that, young master."

Not responding, I turn and walk back towards my office and the paperwork that I have been neglecting.

~

Sleeplessness has become my companion more and more frequently as of late. My day has been full, with the earlier paperwork taking up less than an hour of my time after I left Sebastian in the hall. Once lunch was finished and Elizabeth had gone, he and I spent more than an hour simply relaxing in one of the reading rooms. I browsed one of my numerous books and he offered commentary, as he was familiar with the title. It was surprisingly peaceful to simply be able to sit with him in such a manner.

Our reverie, however, was interrupted by an unexpected guest. Lau filled my afternoon until Lizzy returned home. Since then, life has been generally routine. There is very little variance in my schedule when everyone is home and I have no work from Queen Victoria that needs my attention.

At the moment, I am lying next to Lizzy on our bed and left with nothing but my own thoughts to keep me company. At my side, she is already asleep. Her pale hair and soft skin give her an angelic look, especially with how peacefully she is curled up at my side. One of her hands is holding my nightshirt to keep me close to her. Just looking at her, I can feel my stomach turn uneasily with the memories of this afternoon and everything that she does not know. I have no desire to address that particular tangle of emotions, but I have no trouble admitting that they are there.

Instead, I focus on her. Though she is always beautiful, she looks tired even in sleep. The day out has done her much good. However, upon her return home, she was pale and exhausted. After dinner, she retired early at my insistence. In truth, I have never seen her like this. She has always been energetic and upbeat. Seeing her so listless worries me as few things do. Every time I ask, however, she assures me that she is fine.

Tossing and turning will not guarantee sleep. I am far too awake to get the rest that I need. A glass of milk or a walk would help to calm my mind and my body. Slowly, I move to sit up. As I do so, she murmurs my name. Turning back to her, I can see that she is awake. She smiles dazedly as she blinks the sleep out of her eyes.

Removing her hand from my nightshirt, she reaches up to pull me closer. "Ciel?"

"What is it? You should be sleeping."

"So should you," she murmurs. "You've been working too hard, you know. You should take some time to rest, too. You'll run yourself into the ground."

There is something painful about her words. Perhaps because she so completely believes what she is telling me. I dislike keeping things from her, if only because of how thoroughly she trusts me. Even if I did not have the affair to occupy my thoughts, I could never be completely honest with her. My past, my work for the Queen and even some of the darker workings of my own company have assured that.

"I am sorry that I have caused you worry," I tell her quietly.

Leaning down, I let out a sigh as our lips meet. Belatedly, I realize that it has been at least two days since I last kissed my wife. I have missed the feeling more than I realized. Moving to deepen the caress, I pull her closer. For once, it is she who puts an end to the embrace.

Pulling away, she smiles tiredly at me. "If you are restless, go get yourself something to drink. It will calm your nerves."

She closes her eyes, beginning to doze. Running a hand through her hair, I debate asking a question that has been on my mind. "Lizzy?"

"What is it, my love?"

"Are you happy?"

Frowning, she opens her eyes once more. "What's this all of the sudden?"

"You have not been yourself lately," I tell her. "You know that I am concerned."

Slowly, she leans up and gives me a chaste kiss on the lips. "I am always happy, Ciel, because you are with me."

Lowering herself back to the pillow, she settles into the blankets once more. For a long while, I watch her rest and run my hand through the loose strands of her golden hair. I am fortunate to have someone like this as my wife. I am aware of that, and yet I am still restless.

As soon as she is asleep, I get to my feet. The evening air in my house is slightly chilly with the coming autumn. Both out of modesty and out of interest in staying warm, I pull a dressing gown on over my nightclothes and slide my feet into my lambskin house shoes. Lighting a candle, I leave our bedroom with one last glance towards my wife's slender form lying on our bed.

The mansion is very still in the small hours of the morning. I do not know the exact time, but it must be at least two o'clock. If I so desired, I could go to the kitchen and fix myself a glass of milk. Perhaps it would calm my nerves. I am uncertain, but I feel as though the drink would not help. I need to breathe.

Down the stairs and through the halls, I walk the familiar path that leads me to one of the rear doors of the house. This is one that I have walked through many times before. Opening it, I step out onto the back patio and into my rose garden. Carrying my candle over to the solitary table that occupies the space, I set the light down and slide into one of the chairs.

I never come outside after dark when I am at home. While working in London or Paris under any capacity, I have had my share of nights out. In the city, the evenings are filled with the sounds of people, dogs and the artificial life that accompanies civilization. Here, in my own garden, it is more than a mile to the nearest estate. The night is black all around me, with no light but my candle to illuminate my surroundings. Defying my expectations, it is not quiet. All around me, I can hear the sounds of insects and the night birds that occupy my land. Everything is peaceful and calm. Perhaps that will allow me to sort through my confused thoughts.

My mind still lingers on Lizzy. A part of me wishes that I would have stayed with her tonight, if only to make certain that she is well. I suppose that I worry about her because she has always been taken care of and treasured, like a princess kept in a tower. No matter what happens around her, she is always cheerful and encouraging, cut off from the dark realities of life. That fact makes me glad. I do not wish to see her tainted.

Her mother, my Aunt Frances, raised Lizzy to be a capable partner to the Queen's guard dog. She did not, and still does not, envision her daughter to be a spoiled decoration in a lavish household. As a child, Lizzy was trained extensively in the use of swords. Her agility and physical strength are equal to, if not greater than, that of her mother. In addition, she has become a decent shot with a rifle over the course of several years. All of these things were done in preparation for our marriage and the life that lay ahead of his. The memory of my parents' shadowy deaths still cut close to the surface for some.

All of her dedication and preparation has been for naught. Between Sebastian and the rest of my staff, Lizzy will never have to stand and fight by my side. Each of the servants is under strict instructions to keep her away from combat. She is not even aware of the many times that assailants have approached our home since our marriage. Such incidents are not uncommon, yet she will never know. Many precautions have been taken to assure that she will always be safe. No matter how dangerous my private life may be, she will be kept out of harm's way. The very thought that she might be injured or killed as a result of my personal affairs is something I will not tolerate.

She is a beautiful, charming creature. While attitudes may be changing towards the role of women in our society, I do not wish my wife to have to undertake anything more strenuous than the lengthy walks in the flower gardens that she loves so much unless she truly wishes to do so. After all, she is precious to me, both because she is my wife and because she is one of the few reminders that I have left of my life before the fire. Before Sebastian. I will keep her safe at any cost. Even Sebastian is under direct orders to protect her no matter what might happen.

Sebastian. Even as his name crosses my mind, I find myself wishing that he was by my side. He and I have long since stopped denying that we are no longer master and servant or even partners in our dark adventures. I still cannot put a name to our current relationships. 'Lovers' seems foolish. Though I do not have the words, there is no denying the fact that I have come to care for Sebastian. That particular fondness is one that I have no desire to define. Regardless, almost without my noticing, our connection has become important to me.

Even so, something about our relationship bothers me. The reasons behind that bother are not difficult to discover. I have a devoted wife who loves me. Love is, perhaps, too feeble a word. Her affection and attachment to me borders on adoration. Though I do not know whether or not I love Elizabeth, the thought of betraying her the way that I have with Sebastian is something that has begun to bother me.

When I am with Sebastian, however, she does not even enter my thoughts. He and I have a connection that goes far deeper than the one that I share with my wife. For some, that thought might be warm or inspiring. For me, it is less than happy. No matter how soft Sebastian's touch or how much I enjoy his presence, there is darkness and blood in the spaces between us.

There is not a single day that passes in which I do not recall the pain and humiliation that I endured at the hands of my attackers. Even though years have passed, there are times when I could swear that the brand on my back feels as fresh as the day it was first made. Nightmarish memories still wake me from my sleep every once and a while. These private reminders are only some of the markers of my past that color my daily life. The patch on my eye and Sebastian's presence at my side has become part of who I am.

There is some irony in that fact, I suppose. No matter how close Sebastian and I may be, the day will come when he will devour my soul. I do not know whether that will come in years or days, only that it will happen eventually. The very creature that saved my life will eventually be the one to end it. Our contract is still firmly in place. We have not discussed that aspect of our relationship. After all, it has no bearing on our personal interactions.

Those private moments have become something I value. However, the more time that passes, the stronger my concerns grow that we may be discovered. That is only one of several new worries that I have developed since Elizabeth returned home from visiting her family. I do not wish for those few moments that I get to spend with my demon to be eliminated, yet I wonder if that will happen. At the same time, I do not want to push Elizabeth away from me any more than I already have. These are difficulties for which no solution exists. Even if I managed to solve one problem, it would affect the others and make them worse. My personal life has never been such a complicated knot as it is now.

The last of those thoughts surfaces just as the light from my candle dies. I had not even noticed it burning low. With the flame gone, I know that I have spent nearly an hour outside. The chill from the air is barely noticeable to me now. Dawn is only a few hours away. I would likely do well to return to my room and attempt to sleep. As I move to stand, however, I feel the weight of a hand on my shoulder. Familiar fingers toy with the collar of my dressing gown.

"You looked so peaceful that I was uncertain whether or not I should interrupt you, young master," Sebastian tells me quietly.

The darkness around me makes it impossible for me to see him. My eyes have not yet adjusted to the lack of light. Still, I glance towards the sound of his voice. "It's fine. I needed a few minutes to think without interruption."

"The garden is the perfect place for such an activity at this time of night," he replies.

"How do you mean?"

A hint of amusement colors his voice as he responds. "The skies, young master. Have you not noticed?"

At the prompt, I tilt my head back and look up at the night sky. With no lights to detract from the sight, the view is breathtaking. A thousand stars glitter around the nearly-full moon in the darkness above us. Losing myself in the vastness of it, I can feel myself relax slightly.

"It's beautiful."

"Yes, it is." The hand on my collar drifts higher to run through my hair. He seems to enjoy doing that. "You do not need the candle, young master. There is plenty of light to see by, if you only know where to look."

There is no need to respond. Instead, I simply enjoy his presence as we study the night sky. I wonder if the sight, so captivating to me, has grown boring to him after so many decades of seeing it. While I do not know his age, I know that he has seen many years. If that is the case, he makes no indication. He spends nearly a quarter of an hour simply sharing the silence and petting my hair.

Eventually, he walks around the chair so that he is facing me. The motion pulls my eyes to him. As he promised, my eyes have adjusted to the low light. He is easily visible to me know, even though he is living shadow against a backdrop of night.

Meeting my eyes, he offers a surprisingly gentle smile. "I wonder if you might tell me what has kept you from sleep."

There is no point in avoiding the inquiry. In fact, the thought of sharing my concerns with him comes as something of a relief. I have always been able to tell him my private thoughts.

"I am uncertain what to do about Elizabeth," I tell him. "Or you. Somehow, this has all become very complex. This sort of dynamic is not something to which I am accustomed."

"Do you care for Lady Phantomhive?"

The question is so unexpected that it nearly comes across as offensive. "Of course I do."

"Do you care for me?" he asks quietly. If he is bothered by the slight annoyance in my voice at his last question, it does not show.

Hesitating for only a moment, I respond. "I do."

"Are these two feelings the same, young master?"

Looking at him, I consider his words. After a moment, I formulate an answer for him. "They are similar, but not the same."

"Does that bother you?"

Looking away from him, I sigh. "I don't know. I did not even know it was possible for someone to care for two people at the same time."

Without a word, Sebastian turns and paces away from me. He returns momentarily, cupping something in his hand. Bending at the waist, he opens the hand and offers me what he is holding. Reaching out, I take hold of the stem of one of my favorite roses. The blossom is full and heavy, open and already dripping with early morning dew. The sterling silver roses that are grown in abundance around my house have always been my favorites. My mother loved them, as well. This one is pale and perfect under the light of the moon. The petals, normally a delicate shade of pink, glow white under the moonlight.

Looking up, I meet Sebastian's eyes. He smiles, apparently content with whatever reaction I am not even conscious of giving. Very slowly, he slides down so that he is kneeling on the ground in front of me. His face is level with the flower, watching me from less than two feet away. "Young master, did you know that roses such as these require at least six hours of sunlight in order to bloom? That is why roses are considered such an elegant hobby for proper gentlemen such as yourself, for they require much care and precision. Yet, as you can see, there are exceptions to every rule, even if some may be unable to comprehend them."

"Sebastian..."

Extending his arm, he slides the patch from my eye and lets it fall to the ground. "When you first summoned me, young master, I had never intended for any of this to happen. Much like the flower that you now hold in your hand, however, I have found myself opening to new possibilities.

"You know so little of me, of my past, that you do not know what it means when I say that I have come to care for many of the people with whom I have previously held a contract. However, never before have any of them been as precious to me as you are now. I have fallen in love with you, my master."

At that word, my heart nearly stops in my chest. I have never wanted, or tried, to associate that depth of emotion with Sebastian. To hear him say such a thing is jarring. If I have any reaction to give, he does not leave me time to do so.

"You are in a very difficult position at the moment. I understand that better than most. In the end, I am in no position to influence your decisions. After all, I will remain forever your loyal butler. If you feel the need to act, I will abide by whatever decision you may make. So long as you will permit it, I will remain at your side until the end."

As he falls silent, he remains kneeling. His eyes turn to the ground, waiting for my reaction. The last of his words echoes in my ears, a promise that I have heard from him on several occasions previously. Never before have they rung as utterly true and honest as they seem to do now. Words do not exist for what I am feeling. Even if they did, I could never bring myself to say them.

"Sebastian, you..."

Unable to finish the sentence, I slide forward in the chair and reach out to touch him. Placing my hand under his chin, I pull his gaze up to mine. With the rose still grasped in my hand, I wrap my arm around his neck and lean down to kiss him. This is the only way that I know to express myself in such a situation. That thought does not seem to bother him.

Against my lips, I can feel him smiling. He presses into the soft touch, washing away any doubts that I might have had about how I feel towards him. This is what I needed tonight. Something about him always manages to smooth over the concerns that run my mind ragged. Can it be that this is what I was wanting when I left the bedroom earlier tonight?

Click. Slam.

The two of us snap apart, looking towards the unexpected sound. The frame of the door that leads out onto the patio is illuminated by the quickly fading light of a candle. The door is standing partially open, still swinging from where someone tried to close it in haste. A cold chill winds its way down my spine as I realize what has happened. We have been seen.

"Sebastian, who was that?"

"MeyRin."


End file.
